Beyond Knitting
Self-care: Your rock-bottom cheat sheet
Hello friends! It has come to my attention that some of us—a majority?—have been feeling a little overwhelmed. That it is all a bit much. And has been for some time now.
Perhaps that “too much” is due to external circumstances. Sudden loss, election results, sweater shrank in the wash. Who can dispute that we live in a dark age?
We all have personal conditions as well. Often, living in a body is more than enough to overload us. Many, many people live with chronic pain, illness, anxiety…oh, it’s a long list.
And should difficulties internal and external coincide, as they do—well, we all know what it’s like to be swamped.
For the days when you can’t go on, but you must go on, I like the Rock Bottom Cheat Sheet. (No template needed; it’s incredibly simple.) This is a mix of ideas from Esmé Weijun Wang and Christine “Spoon Theory” Miserandino.
Spoon theory
If spoon theory is new to you, the idea uses spoons as a metaphorical unit of measure for energy. Obviously, some people have more spoons than others. All of our spoons vary from day to day. It helps to keep an eye on the number.
Let’s say you get up in the morning after a sleepless night that’s taken four of your usual 10 spoons. It’s a school day and the kids need to eat. You look in the fridge and see nothing to give your sweet children for breakfast except a batch of homemade rum raisin ice cream that never really froze because the rum content was so high. The shame of it all, and the disbelief on your kids’ faces, takes another four spoons.
(Perhaps you’re thinking right now: She never did that. A patently fake example that overshoots the mark! Bless you.)
Anywayyy. You’re down to two spoons and it’s still only 7:34 a.m. There’s a whole day to get through and nobody wants rum raisin for dinner, that’s for sure. What now?
Well, obviously you’ve got to get takeout. But what of the rest of the things you normally tell yourself simply must happen for life to be sustained and self-respect to be restored?
Today, with your spoon count so low, it’s got to be a short list. On a good day, or even a regular old day, there’s probably a lot you’re doing: picking up the dirty clothes, hitting your word count, calling your mother, doing your 10-step Korean skincare routine, and defrosting something Genius Past You prepped ages ago. You do all that stuff without thinking much about it.
But when you have a day that forces you to think about what you can do, and face all the things that you simply can’t do, my advice is: Please, do not make yourself think about it. These are the days when cognition is hopelessly compromised. When being made to think is the definition of too much.
Instead, have your Rock Bottom list. The barest of minimums for what Esmé Weijun Wang would call a Red Light—as in, come to a stop!—day.
World’s shortest to-do list
My list sits on the overleaf of my BuJo so I can’t lose it. It’s got three items: 1. Meals 2. Meditate 3. Gym. And the third is optional.
My cheat sheet also has a sidecar list of things that I would normally do without thinking, as a reminder that today is not normal: 1. Skincare 2. Protein count 3. Get dressed. Permission to just let them slide!
Of course there’s room for adjustment, but do any tinkering on a higher-spoon-count day. On your worst days, you want guidelines to stop you crashing through the glass floor of your rock bottom to new lows.
And now, as always, I am keen to know: What are the items on your Rock Bottom list? Tell us in the comments below.
Resources
Speaking of bullet journaling, Felix Ford will soon be leading us in Envisioning 2026. I recommend Felix’s workshops enthusiastically! (And I think they use spoon theory, too.)
Image: Woman on Rose Divan (detail), Henri Matisse, 1921, Art Institute of Chicago. Used with permission.
I got one spoon. And it’s only 5:30 am. Up all night doom worrying. My worst enemy is my mind when I can’t sleep… I’ll spend the day turning this around: gratitude. Fill my empty spoons with gratitude. I often forget.
well drat, Geet, I hit reply to you and it went to the end of the list… short version: I LOVE “Fill my empty spoons”
That blessed me, and I hope a whole lot of other folk. Count your blessings, name them one by one…
Eat, walk dog, knit. Really, knitting calms me & lets me feel like I have done one productive, worthwhile thing even if everything is falling apart. I’m diabetic so I have to eat or I feel awful. And walking my best boi (although I husband will do it, if I ask) lets me feel that unconditional love & gratitude just for literally putting one foot in front of the other & being outside almost always makes me feel better. And keeps me from have to clean up. Thank you so much for your wonderful writing – it makes my day!
Yes, always need to find a spoon for the dogs! Love your list.
Every day: read scripture, especially on rock bottom days. List one thing to be thankful for, just one. When I do this I see that I’ve already experienced many things to be thankful for…I can read, I have a bible, I can write, I have a pen, I can feel thankfulness, I know my Savior…that’s six things.
Amen, sister. Every morning, I have my coffee with God. Especially this month when I just found out my sister has cancer. ( We live together in an apartment and I basically take care of her. ) I have to take care of all the scheduling of visits and her surgery. My church is losing it’s pastor and I’m the treasurer so there’s all these reports. I’m down to 1 spoon a day but somehow God gets me through it. Although, I also know if don’t take care of this fragile body, and continue to run on fumes, I’ll get sick and won’t do anyone any good. So I have to be smart also.
I’ll be praying for you, Judy.
He will be with you every step of the way.
Best of luck to you and your sister.
Love the concept.
On the worst days all you have to really do is breathe; in for 4counts, hold for 4 counts, out for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts. Repeat. The crisis will resolve, the turbulence will calm and you are still breathing
Excellent! Works for me on a daily basis.
Thanks for injecting so much humor into a topic we can all relate to. I could not stop laughing picturing the rum raisin story.
1. Shower but skip hair washing/drying
2. Walk and feed dogs
3. Sit and have a quiet cup of coffee.
I have so little hair it dries itself. all these comments are so good. I will remember the spoons, I have had some bad days recently, but it’s getting better. My painting mojo is coming back and filling my spoons.
You dry your hair? Way ahead of me on a regular day, Sister!
Rock Bottom List: 1. drink coffee; 2. check Ravelry but don’t check NYT; 3. get up and pee.
Your #2 — you are a wise, wise person. Thank you.
Food, dog care, rest (knit).
the permission your writing gives me is so comforting. Down to 3 spoons? 1. Dog care, 2. food, 3. Rest. If I had a fourth, it would be to stay off the news. Actually, that should be # 1.
Thank you, as always.
At this moment, after a fretful night’s sleep, I am thinking about a rock bottom list.
At 79, with ongoing pain issues, everyday I have to plan my day and what I say.
This am apologies are foremost on my mind. I was short tempered with vet office last night, 2 hours before bed, and my husband. So my rock bottom list starts with apologies! Next is review my grateful list!
Hoping this will add more spoons to my daily ration. Diane
Bless you for prioritizing an examination of conscience. You’re a model for me.
Agree!!!
Not going to lie, seeing the spoon theory on here and reading your beautifully comforting words about the rock-bottom list has got me tearing up a little over here. Thank you – I love your column.
Yes – I use the spoon theory all the time. It’s such a helpful symbol for representing finite and dwindling resources, and I like its associations with things like soup and porridge and sugar…
…for Envisioning 2026, when I was working on the printables, I included some spoons because who doesn’t need some more of them right now?
My rock bottom list has stuff on it like brush my teeth, wash my face, drink a glass of water, go and look at the sky, pick up and put away 10 things that aren’t where they are meant to be, send a card to a friend, go and get a hug or lie under my weighted blanket for 10 minutes, put my phone far far far away and do anything that does not involve a screen for half an hour. It helps.
Thanks so much for sharing Esmé Weijun Wang – I had not come across their work!
Hi, Felix, I loved your Knit Stars course! I purchased the kit, and made your gorgeous cowl. Thanks
Take care!
Felix and Margaret: I am with you about Felix’s workshop on KnitStars. I have ALL the seasons and (not counting this one since it just began) I have watched about 95 percent of all the episodes. Felix, your workshop is in my Top Three of all the seasons for so many reasons, so thank you for being you! I am also thrilled that before I even finished watching the Felix’s episodes I bought all three of her books–as someone who lives for color, they are a treasure! For everyone else: if Felix’s workshop is ever sold as a standalone and you want to learn about color and more, treat yourself to it!
Thanks for your kind comments, Margaret and Sarah Ann – your words have brought a huge smile to my face.
Knitting! . It calms me and clears the cobwebs from my brain. Always have to knit.
Amen
We just moved from The Netherlands to France. Usually I only have 5 spoons to start with, last weeks just none at all. Try to get dressed and do meal. Taking care of the dogs. Husband always has like 109 spoons so any thing that doesn’t get done I just tell him …. But I like to be the captain on the ship so it’s really difficult to let go.
Spoons is something I got from a fysiotherapist once as a way to do things. It’s rather helpful!!
1. Keep kid alive. 2. Eat something. Take your meds.
Hi, Ms Collins, I LOVE Neighborhood Fiber Company yarns and YOU!
Take care
I dropped all my spoons when I broke my leg the morning of the closing. We’re moving from a 3 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment. My studio is upstairs. The moving van is coming Monday. I don’t think we’ll be ready.
Hang in there. Monday will come and go no matter what. Hopefully it passes with you feeling prepared and content. ☺️
Rock bottom is no spoons. Require nothing of yourself beyond breathing.
“There is no spoon.” (The Matrix)
I love this concept and will be figuring out my rock bottom list. You always have great advice just when we need it, Max! And btw, I saw a Jacques Pepin video last week where he made a delicious looking French toast using melted ice cream…
Its day 3 after round 2 of chemo for breast cancer, do baby spoons count?? Lol…I get more spoons back every day that goes by, but #1 is moving. 30 minutes of moving is non-negotiable. I always feel better. Right now, everything else is a bonus. 30 min walk was done this morning. Grateful
1. Meals
2. Sleep
3. Prayer
4. Take dog for a walk (exercise for us both)
Meals, check on Mom, feed kitties, quiet time, comfort spinning (spinning takes less focus for me than knitting right now for some reason.)
When I was still working full time and awoke with 0 spoons- I’d call in sick- my mental health day- stay in my PJ’s and watch old movies. So restorative.
Today. No work but commitments to a senior ailing mother, family and my rehab after major surgery –
When at zero spoons-I still do a mental health day in PJs and old movies.
Zero spoons. It’s all about replenishing. Eat. Breathe. Slow down. Take meds. Pick next thing that absolutely has to be done (like breathing maybe). Repeat until the next thing that absolutely has to be done enters my head. Then do one thing that will make me feel better. Repeat. At the end of the day, sleep. Repeat until spoons replenish, adding back things as the spoons permit. First thing that gets added back is exercise because it helps me the most. Movement is medicine.
Getting washed up; getting dressed; setting up my daily knitting to publish; knit; publish on various apps.
When down to zero spoons, “ask for help” is top of my list. My husband and adult daughter who lives with us are always ok with that. Another strategy is borrow some spoons from the dog! He has spoons in abundance and just spending time with him often lets one or two land in my lap. And drink water. When I am busy and stressed, hydration is usually the first thing I neglect, so a reminder to put some water into my body is a good idea.
“Borrow some spoons from the dog” – I love this. So funny and true.
Reading this on Saturday, which says something about my spoon count this week!
1. Coffee
2. Feed cat (she is insisting that I write this)
3. Read/write something. If I don’t start my day with a little time with my journal, nothing good will happen. It doesn’t have to be much. What I read is not important, just something. Like MDK!
I love “Fill my empty spoons”….. This needs to go up somewhere in the room where I sew and knit. Large. In smaller writing, I’ll get the Rock Bottom List. Ahhh… now I’ve got it:
Dog. Meals. Fill my Empty Spoons. THAT is my list. Thank you, Geet!
PS: (and one thing that worked for me….I used to call my mother, aunt and cousin the ‘Daughters of Doom’ because they could turn ANYthing into doom. Win a lottery? Someone would be trying to steal it. Insert EYE ROLL. So I made a conscious decision to NOT live that way. To know that there is no point in worrying about things that haven’t happened, that might happen, since there are plenty of awful things that do happen. As for those things that do/have happen(ed), if I can control them or do something about it, then do that. If I can’t do something (like a hurricane or strife somewhere else in the world), I try to set the horror/stress/anxiety aside as much as possible and remember there is good in the world. It has helped me a lot.)
Get outside, eat well (something simple), reach out at least once in a friendly manner (greet a fellow walker or send a text or pause & really listen to my partner — something to get outside my own head for a moment and hope to add a drop of companionship to someone else’s bucket).
Then there is the “backlash” the following day…if I give it room to breathe. No, I do not have to do today and everything I didn’t do yesterday!!!
A dear friend stepped in one day and made a short list for me. I’ve used it ever since.
1. Use 1 bowl and 1 spoon for the day.
2. Wash bowl and spoon.
3. Write anything you want.
4. Lay down when you are tired.
5. Walk around the outside of the house once.
Make the bed, take a shower, feed the dog. Then knit! It centers the day, even if it is only 15 minutes of sock knitting I always seem to work out the day’s kinks with knitting.
I can definitely relate to this and appreciate confirmation that doing much of nothing some days is acceptable and doesn’t make me a slug. It’s especially difficult since I was once a Type A personality and the queen of multi-tasking, and it’s taken me literally years to say goodbye to that energy level and accept my new reality. I’m still wrestling with the guilt (totally self-inflicted) about not being able to do so many things for my family any longer, but I’m working on it. Knitting a little bit every day is the one spoon I won’t give up as it helps me on so many levels. Thank you for your article and confirming for me I’m not alone in this!
1. Make a good pot of coffee.
2. Earrings.
Sandi, YES. Earrings are KEY.
Thank you, Max, thank you Felix, and thank you so many of you, below.
The whole point of spoons theory is to explain chronic fatigue management to someone living in a body without that need, as evidence by having exercise on your rock bottom list.
So you have stolen a chronic illness concept and used it (badly) for a vague wellness concept, which is I guess par for the course for wellness as an industry. But please think about how it will feel for someone who is actually down to enough energy to digest a meal (not prepare, digest) to hear ‘I’m so short on spoons today I can only go to the gym’.
I appreciate this perspective though I don’t use spoons personally for my specific situation. I am in bed today with a chronic mental illness and though it is 2 pm, I have not been able to leave bed to use the bathroom or get water. A helpful thing someone pointed out above on, as you say, a list that otherwise suggests maybe chronic illness is not a factor, was to take medicine. Mine is timed in the morning and I haven’t been able to get up and take it yet, even though that will surely make my situation worse.
For me, the times I struggle with anger are when therapy tools that, for me, are life-saving, get used super casually. I remember texting a friend, who knows I have a chronic illness, that I was having a mental health sick day. She asked what fun things I was getting up to. The true answer was trying not to die, sometimes in five-minute increments. Not that fun, really. A very different use of mindfulness.
But. I try to recognize that everyone is coming from the place they are. They don’t have disability experience (yet) or they are still stuck in a culture that doesn’t make room for illness and disability: I absolutely was living with and downplaying my disability for years before it got to a point where I couldn’t cope anymore. I wouldn’t have done better with this issue then, in part because acknowledging that these ideas and tools come from a real place would have also meant acknowledging my own situation, which, because disability and particularly mental health disability come with such stigma, I wasn’t ready to do. And of course as we age, the vast majority of the population will acquire a disability or a chronic illness. A scary thought, especially for folks with no experience.
So yeah, it can be super painful when people use these things in a casual, general-purpose context, without acknowledging the original context. It can lead to really unhelpful encounters. But I also would rather have this, which I hope is a transition moment to all societies doing better with disability rights and cultural acceptance, than like it was in my area even a few decades ago, when I could not bring myself to register my disability with my employer, though it was legal to do so, because I feared retaliation and as someone with mental disabilities, I can pass as typical.
I have “chores” I do on certain days of the week. I also have taken care of my handicapped grandson for 25 years. My beloved is starting the long goodbye and has added to my day.
Many days lately have become rock bottom.
Guess what? You are the boss of only you and everything does not have to be cleaned today or cooked today.
Tomorrow is indeed another day. Give your self A giant break and watch that Michael Jordan documentary again with your grandson.
1. MOVE. Walk with my two able legs outside…and take 3 deep slow belly breaths of fresh air. Regardless of the season. I am lucky to have covered outside space. And the very act of moving away from the spot where I am FEELING stuck is a reminder that I am NOT! 2. FUEL. Some days it’s food, some knitting, some a story, some a really good cup of coffee or tea. Whatever small thing feeds my body, soul or brain. 3. SCREAM. It must be bad if I get to three, but sometimes there’s nothing that makes me feel better than letting a really good roar out of my mouth….yes, out LOUD!. As for the sidecar list: by this point it’s usually time to plan for a “No day” within the next 7 days. It means literally saying no to all screens, people outside of my own living space, planned for me activities and complex meals. I actually INTENTIONALLY plan a “No Day” once a quarter. Cozy clothes, book (physical, kindle OR Audio) OR knitting in bed all day, whatever food sounds good (and usually a glass of wine or bourbon). NO news, NO phone, NO calls (except truly urgent…even then let it ring…..they CAN leave a VM or text if it’s an emergency! And you can call right back…..I promise you can be unavailable for a few hours!). Just REAL REST and RESTORATION. I look forward to them! In 2026 it’s possible my planned NO day may turn into NO weekends away…one for me and one for my mom.
1. Take meds. 2. Eat – anything. Don’t worry about trying to eat nutricious foods. Take out is definitely ok. 3. Knit. Even if I can’t get dressed or do anything else, if I knit for just a few minutes (or much longer) some of the anxiety and doom feeling will get better.
Do the dishes.
This is excellent! You’re helping me realize my rock-bottom list is still too long. Three items max. Will ponder further.