Beyond Knitting
Self-care: Your rock-bottom cheat sheet
Hello friends! It has come to my attention that some of us—a majority?—have been feeling a little overwhelmed. That it is all a bit much. And has been for some time now.
Perhaps that “too much” is due to external circumstances. Sudden loss, election results, sweater shrank in the wash. Who can dispute that we live in a dark age?
We all have personal conditions as well. Often, living in a body is more than enough to overload us. Many, many people live with chronic pain, illness, anxiety…oh, it’s a long list.
And should difficulties internal and external coincide, as they do—well, we all know what it’s like to be swamped.
For the days when you can’t go on, but you must go on, I like the Rock Bottom Cheat Sheet. (No template needed; it’s incredibly simple.) This is a mix of ideas from Esmé Weijun Wang and Christine “Spoon Theory” Miserandino.
Spoon theory
If spoon theory is new to you, the idea uses spoons as a metaphorical unit of measure for energy. Obviously, some people have more spoons than others. All of our spoons vary from day to day. It helps to keep an eye on the number.
Let’s say you get up in the morning after a sleepless night that’s taken four of your usual 10 spoons. It’s a school day and the kids need to eat. You look in the fridge and see nothing to give your sweet children for breakfast except a batch of homemade rum raisin ice cream that never really froze because the rum content was so high. The shame of it all, and the disbelief on your kids’ faces, takes another four spoons.
(Perhaps you’re thinking right now: She never did that. A patently fake example that overshoots the mark! Bless you.)
Anywayyy. You’re down to two spoons and it’s still only 7:34 a.m. There’s a whole day to get through and nobody wants rum raisin for dinner, that’s for sure. What now?
Well, obviously you’ve got to get takeout. But what of the rest of the things you normally tell yourself simply must happen for life to be sustained and self-respect to be restored?
Today, with your spoon count so low, it’s got to be a short list. On a good day, or even a regular old day, there’s probably a lot you’re doing: picking up the dirty clothes, hitting your word count, calling your mother, doing your 10-step Korean skincare routine, and defrosting something Genius Past You prepped ages ago. You do all that stuff without thinking much about it.
But when you have a day that forces you to think about what you can do, and face all the things that you simply can’t do, my advice is: Please, do not make yourself think about it. These are the days when cognition is hopelessly compromised. When being made to think is the definition of too much.
Instead, have your Rock Bottom list. The barest of minimums for what Esmé Weijun Wang would call a Red Light—as in, come to a stop!—day.
World’s shortest to-do list
My list sits on the overleaf of my BuJo so I can’t lose it. It’s got three items: 1. Meals 2. Meditate 3. Gym. And the third is optional.
My cheat sheet also has a sidecar list of things that I would normally do without thinking, as a reminder that today is not normal: 1. Skincare 2. Protein count 3. Get dressed. Permission to just let them slide!
Of course there’s room for adjustment, but do any tinkering on a higher-spoon-count day. On your worst days, you want guidelines to stop you crashing through the glass floor of your rock bottom to new lows.
And now, as always, I am keen to know: What are the items on your Rock Bottom list? Tell us in the comments below.
Resources
Speaking of bullet journaling, Felix Ford will soon be leading us in Envisioning 2026. I recommend Felix’s workshops enthusiastically! (And I think they use spoon theory, too.)
Image: Woman on Rose Divan (detail), Henri Matisse, 1921, Art Institute of Chicago. Used with permission.
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I got one spoon. And it’s only 5:30 am. Up all night doom worrying. My worst enemy is my mind when I can’t sleep… I’ll spend the day turning this around: gratitude. Fill my empty spoons with gratitude. I often forget.
That blessed me, and I hope a whole lot of other folk. Count your blessings, name them one by one…
Eat, walk dog, knit. Really, knitting calms me & lets me feel like I have done one productive, worthwhile thing even if everything is falling apart. I’m diabetic so I have to eat or I feel awful. And walking my best boi (although I husband will do it, if I ask) lets me feel that unconditional love & gratitude just for literally putting one foot in front of the other & being outside almost always makes me feel better. And keeps me from have to clean up. Thank you so much for your wonderful writing – it makes my day!
Yes, always need to find a spoon for the dogs! Love your list.
Every day: read scripture, especially on rock bottom days. List one thing to be thankful for, just one. When I do this I see that I’ve already experienced many things to be thankful for…I can read, I have a bible, I can write, I have a pen, I can feel thankfulness, I know my Savior…that’s six things.
Amen, sister. Every morning, I have my coffee with God. Especially this month when I just found out my sister has cancer. ( We live together in an apartment and I basically take care of her. ) I have to take care of all the scheduling of visits and her surgery. My church is losing it’s pastor and I’m the treasurer so there’s all these reports. I’m down to 1 spoon a day but somehow God gets me through it. Although, I also know if don’t take care of this fragile body, and continue to run on fumes, I’ll get sick and won’t do anyone any good. So I have to be smart also.
Love the concept.
On the worst days all you have to really do is breathe; in for 4counts, hold for 4 counts, out for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts. Repeat. The crisis will resolve, the turbulence will calm and you are still breathing
Excellent! Works for me on a daily basis.
Thanks for injecting so much humor into a topic we can all relate to. I could not stop laughing picturing the rum raisin story.
1. Shower but skip hair washing/drying
2. Walk and feed dogs
3. Sit and have a quiet cup of coffee.
Rock Bottom List: 1. drink coffee; 2. check Ravelry but don’t check NYT; 3. get up and pee.
Food, dog care, rest (knit).
the permission your writing gives me is so comforting. Down to 3 spoons? 1. Dog care, 2. food, 3. Rest. If I had a fourth, it would be to stay off the news. Actually, that should be # 1.
Thank you, as always.
At this moment, after a fretful night’s sleep, I am thinking about a rock bottom list.
At 79, with ongoing pain issues, everyday I have to plan my day and what I say.
This am apologies are foremost on my mind. I was short tempered with vet office last night, 2 hours before bed, and my husband. So my rock bottom list starts with apologies! Next is review my grateful list!
Hoping this will add more spoons to my daily ration. Diane
Bless you for prioritizing an examination of conscience. You’re a model for me.
Not going to lie, seeing the spoon theory on here and reading your beautifully comforting words about the rock-bottom list has got me tearing up a little over here. Thank you – I love your column.
Yes – I use the spoon theory all the time. It’s such a helpful symbol for representing finite and dwindling resources, and I like its associations with things like soup and porridge and sugar…
…for Envisioning 2026, when I was working on the printables, I included some spoons because who doesn’t need some more of them right now?
My rock bottom list has stuff on it like brush my teeth, wash my face, drink a glass of water, go and look at the sky, pick up and put away 10 things that aren’t where they are meant to be, send a card to a friend, go and get a hug or lie under my weighted blanket for 10 minutes, put my phone far far far away and do anything that does not involve a screen for half an hour. It helps.
Thanks so much for sharing Esmé Weijun Wang – I had not come across their work!
Knitting! . It calms me and clears the cobwebs from my brain. Always have to knit.
Amen
We just moved from The Netherlands to France. Usually I only have 5 spoons to start with, last weeks just none at all. Try to get dressed and do meal. Taking care of the dogs. Husband always has like 109 spoons so any thing that doesn’t get done I just tell him …. But I like to be the captain on the ship so it’s really difficult to let go.
Spoons is something I got from a fysiotherapist once as a way to do things. It’s rather helpful!!
1. Keep kid alive. 2. Eat something. Take your meds.
I dropped all my spoons when I broke my leg the morning of the closing. We’re moving from a 3 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment. My studio is upstairs. The moving van is coming Monday. I don’t think we’ll be ready.
Rock bottom is no spoons. Require nothing of yourself beyond breathing.
“There is no spoon.” (The Matrix)
I love this concept and will be figuring out my rock bottom list. You always have great advice just when we need it, Max! And btw, I saw a Jacques Pepin video last week where he made a delicious looking French toast using melted ice cream…
Its day 3 after round 2 of chemo for breast cancer, do baby spoons count?? Lol…I get more spoons back every day that goes by, but #1 is moving. 30 minutes of moving is non-negotiable. I always feel better. Right now, everything else is a bonus. 30 min walk was done this morning. Grateful