I think a secret to our long, hilarious collaboration is that we don’t feel competitive with each other. Well—if you’ve made me laugh an extra lot, I do feel the need to say something super dumb to get you to laugh, just to keep the balance-of-laughter out of a deficit situation, but other than that, I feel like our mutual philosophy is, you go girl, shine on you shiny star!
But—you knew there was gonna be a but.
I’ve had a thorn in my paw (if there’s ever a Family Feud category of Things Ann Shayne Says, “thorn in paw” is gonna win big)—ever since you delivered the tidings of great joy about that amazing amazing mop.
The crowd went wild, lives were forever changed, and there you were in the spotlight, everybody’s patron saint of pandemonium housekeeping.
For more than a year now, I’ve been wondering, would my Mop Moment ever come? Would I ever find a truly great gizmo on the internet that would make everybody go completely insane with the sheer usefulness of it?
Well, here it is. Are you ready?
The World’s Greatest Garden Hose, Really
As you know, despite my family name Gardiner, I am terrible at gardening. But I persist. What with you, and all the members of Team MDK, and most of my New York buddies—I’m surrounded by plant lovers, and I want a seat at that table.
So I “garden.” This mostly involves perennials that have very short lives for things called perennial, but I do my best. When I fall down, I get back up and have another go.
One of the things plants need is water.
And one of the things I find most odious about gardening is the garden hose. It is so heavy, and I can’t help wondering what is happening, biologically, in all the warm water that sits inside that manky plastic tube in the hot sun. I struggle to move the damn thing from place to place, and it harbors slime and spiders and … it’s just a lot for me, you know?
Recently I asked my niece to find a cart for the hose so that we could at least wind it up and keep it off the ground and roll it instead of drag it. She went hunting on the internet, and struck absolute garden hose gold.
It’s this amazing thing.
A sturdy, lightweight garden hose that empties itself every time you use it.
When you turn on the water, it fills up and stretches to two to three times its length when empty.
When you’re done watering, you turn the water off, empty the hose (by simply pressing down on the sprayer trigger until it stops spraying), and watch the hose slither on the ground as it shrinks back to its original size. I still go OH WOWWW every time this happens—what is this sorcery? Sure it’s not just earthly mechanics?
Then you can hang it up on a hook or just loop it around the faucet itself. It’s light as a feather, so you can easily move it around to wherever you want it.
It’s so light and small and dry and non-spidery that you could even have one in the 25-foot size in an apartment, for balcony or terrace planters.
I am thrilled to provide an affiliate link.
You’re welcome, gardeners and would-be gardeners.
And: over to you, Ann. Shine on, you shiny star!
MDK earns a commission from purchases through affiliate links in this post.