A few weeks ago, I started doing previously unthinkable things around the house like: cleaning. I’m just not all that good at cleaning things. But in the interest of keeping “safer at home” rather than “foul and disgusting at home,” I have embraced housekeeping as my own personal self-care.
The kitchen floor, for example.
These days I’m in the kitchen all the time. You’d think I’d invented cooking. What with all this unprecedented activity, you can only go so far ignoring the state of a kitchen floor. When you map out your route based on avoiding that milk spill from a while back, it’s time to act.
I was just beginning to think about dealing with the floor when I saw a contraption being demonstrated on TV that had me all WUT?
It was a bucket. With a mop. That spins when you stomp on a foot pedal.
I don’t know if I’m weak or needy or lazy or what, but I got sucked into that advertisement the way Hubbo’s grandfather couldn’t sleep one night and ended up ordering a wok from 1-800-GET A WOK.
This is what I saw:
O-Cedar EasyWring Microfiber Spin Mop & Bucket System. Yes, that is an affiliate link. I don’t apologize for writing about a plastic bucket with a microfiber mop—indeed, consider it a gift to steer you toward this thing that will transform your mopping into what feels vaguely like a ride at Disney World.
No, I haven’t made a study of this, comparing five different spin mops. That masterwork already exists, right here. Who’s number one? Yep, my beloved O-Cedar EasyWring Microfiber Spin Mop & Bucket System.
My only criticism? I’m not sure that “O-Cedar EasyWring Microfiber Spin Mop and Bucket System” is quite as catchy as it could be.
Come at Me, Skeptics
I had my most controversial Zoom call ever last week. I’m still shaking it off.
I was telling some “friends” about my new O-Cedar EasyWring Microfiber Spin Mop & Bucket System. (In this coronavirus situation, conversation has become a baroque mix of existential philosophy and hair dye and somebody’s dog that keeps barking.) Almost in unison, they yelped “A bucket? It has a bucket?” Such scorn!
Of course it has a bucket, people. If you’re gonna mop, you’re gonna need saturation. You need something profound to happen down there. Your floor needs to know that it is no longer the crumb-crusted, sticky hellscape that you let it become due to excessive knitting. It needs to know you care.
I know a lot of you probably use some Swiffer-related apparatus for your mopping, with a squirty bottle of whatever cleaning sauce you like. That’s fine. I don’t judge. But if you want a full and comprehensive mop experience without ever having to touch the moppy part of the mop, the O-Cedar EasyWring Microfiber Spin Mop & Bucket System is the answer to all your dreams.
I look forward to your letters.
PS If you find yourself thinking about cleaning more than you used to, here’s some Consumer Reports catnip for you: “10 Cleaning Myths and What to Do Instead.”
PSS If you couldn’t give a rat’s ass about cleaning these days, I salute you.
And Now, A Word From Kay
After just one phone call with you about this, I got one, too. I love it like a baby. High on Murphy’s fumes, I mopped acres of floors with it on its inaugural weekend. My Apple Watch counted this as exercise. I am now engaged in a Shakespearean level of internecine warfare with the Gardiner sibs, devoted anti-moppists all, who swear by Swiffers and steam mops and Lord knows what-all. They are a hard-headed and hard-cleaning people, but I will prevail. This year’s festive family holiday gift: sorted!