How to Butter Your Toast
It’s been nice knowing you. I’m going to blow up the site now. Here on our pages, I’m going to advocate for a controversial cause that has nothing to with knitting. Know that I love you, but I feel strongly about this issue and cannot in good conscience remain silent any longer.
A few months ago, I read a 2015 article on Food52, How to Butter Your Toast.
The author advocates distributing shards of ice-cold butter over a slice of bread and then bunging it into the oven (or toaster oven).
I have always hated scraping cold butter across a slice of warm toast, tearing holes in the bread and getting crumbs in the butter as I go, but this is the way I was brought up to do it. Over the years, I’ve tried various containers (the butter bell, etc.) and methods (the microwave, the warm top of the toaster oven) for making or keeping butter soft enough to spread, while preventing it from turning rancid. None were satisfactory to me, mostly for reasons of neatness and hygiene. There is no safer or more proper place for a stick of butter than the refrigerator door, in my opinion.
Initially the article in Food52 did not change my mind. Just more propaganda from the Wrong About Everything crowd, I thought. Toast was meant to be difficult to butter. We are here today because of the fortitude of our ancestors, whose toast was cool by the time they managed to get it buttered, but they carried on.
Then, one morning, I lacked the strength to confront the familiar futility of spreading hard butter on delicately crisped bread. I laid out two slices of naked bread, distributed bits of cut-up butter pats across their pale faces, and slid them into the toaster oven.
Remain calm. it looks like a lot, but This is only 2 1/2 pats of butter between the 2 slices.
The result was life-changing. Or toast-changing, but since, in the gloomy chill of morning, toast is life, my actual life is better now.
You kind of have to be here. It’s delicious. Zero scraping. Zero crumbs in the butter.
Go ahead. Pelt me with cold butter. I’m never going back. Not only does this method dispense with the misery of trying to spread cold butter, it makes much better toast. This toast has a toothsome contrast of crunchy and melty. It has tiny puddles of butter. What could you possibly not like about puddles of butter?
Please use 10 minutes of your Lazy Sunday to go try this alternative method of buttering toast, or to feel smug because this is the way you’ve always done it.