First Person
Making It: As Many Rows As Needed
I have a confession: I haven’t stitched anything for myself in two months.
I know, I know! I’m just as alarmed as you are.
The truth is that life has been life-ing this summer, and I go through waves with my crafting. It’s my happy place. I’ve talked extensively about my love for Knitflix and Chill time, and it’s rare to find me stitching in complete silence.
But my stitching time is also the place where I spend the most uninterrupted time with my thoughts. I need to watch or listen to something I don’t care too deeply about, because when I stitch, I often become hypnotized by the rhythm and am transported to a state of deep reflection.
Sometimes, like this summer, that’s something I’d prefer to avoid.
Unfortunately, I’m never super aware when I’m drifting away from my making for myself. And that’s become harder and harder to spot now that I release patterns, because whenever I question if I’m feeding that part of me, I can point to a finished design and say, “Nothing to see here you silly goose! All is totally well! I’m still making!”
But designs are work. They don’t fill that space in the same way that a personal project does.
When I design, I’m pausing at each row to write down my stitch count or sitting at my desk measuring out each piece meticulously. I can’t allow myself to sit with my thoughts and the rhythm of the needles.
I had to have an honest conversation with myself: “What was the last thing you made for you?” And the pause to think of the answer was a little too long for my liking.
Just then I spotted my emotional support blanket from across the room.
Well, now it’s a blanket. It started as a granny square, then there was a fleeting thought to turn it into a sweater, but it has outgrown those plans and now lives firmly in lapghan territory. Using Hue+Me yarn from my stash, I pick up this granny square whenever I need something to do with my hands or when I’m feeling particularly anxious, and I do a row or two.
I love it because it has become a real temperature blanket of my thirties. I began it about five years ago and it has been through deaths, heartbreaks, changes in the state of the world, and even just bad hair days. Each color and row represents a day when I needed a moment with it.
The pile of work and obligations on my desk would wait. It was time to spend some time refilling my cup again.
A few stitches in, I could feel myself lighten, returning to myself with every yarn-over and chain. The quiet of my room filled up with the perfect noise of yarn gliding over an aluminum hook, and the blanket gave me a big hug as it draped over my lap as I stitched.
The goal of my emotional support blanket isn’t to get as many rows done as possible. It’s to get as many rows done as needed. This time, I made two rows, which now takes me about thirty minutes, and those thirty minutes could not have been better spent.
I keep my granny square in my living room in plain sight, always there and within arm’s reach, ready for me when the next wave of pressure comes.
What a gift we have in our yarn.
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So beautifully and perfectly stated. Thank you for this.
Love “what a gift we have in our yarn” amen!
Thank you for such a thoughtful entry. Your words resonate with me as I have always been more about what the process gives me than about how much I produce.
I love this idea I just happened to come across this page and subscribe right away I love crocheting I have crocheted over 50 years my joy is making baby blankets and donating them to new mothers and father’s in my town and Hospital’s
What a lovely hobby!
Sorry; meant that as a response to Glady’s post–though I also feel that centering when I get my hands (back) into my knitting!
Lovely article to read first thing this morning. Your colors for your blanket are great, and you are right it could easily have been a jacket or sweater in those colors. I have just finished a mitered square blanket that I started 16 years ago! It got put down, picked back up, then retired in a beautiful Atenti bag on a shelf in my closet to see everyday. Just last month I told myself, “this is crazy, you must finish it!”. So everything in progress was put on the back burner so I could complete this worthy project. It was nagging me for a long time, but I am so happy to have it complete and its i-cords in place. A feeling of accomplishment is a thing of beauty.
It’s quite lovely and I love your choice of colors.
I also have something that I started in 2022 after my husband died. It’s a knitted Freeform designer throw of jewel tone colors and textures with black thrown in to set off the colors. Since it has been starting to get chilly I think I will get back to it. Thanks for your inspiration but it is one of many (possibly over 100) projects. And that is not exaggeration, I have owned my own fabric and yarn shop since 1982. I tell my customers that I’m a good starter and have to keep coming up with new ideas to inspire but only in clothing design or clothing accessories! And I am a yarn snob !
I’D love to see that finished project
The repetitive hypnotic process saves me time and again from myself, my anxiety, depression…on and on. I close simple and mostly mindless knitting and I’m grateful for it. Thank you for your beautiful article it reminds me to allow myself to do this process for me. It’s ok. Keep stitching Samantha and I’ll do the same!
Oops choose not close
Agree with everything you said! And, while I have been a knitter for a while, I recently discovered granny squares and found how thoroughly satisfying they are to make and make and make….
Beautiful. And something for me to think about – do I have a project like that or should I create one for that purpose…?Thank you.
What a beautiful article to find, at the start of my day. Each of us is different, in our approach to needles + yarn. I taught myself to knit at age 13 or 14. Now, somehow, i am 76! All my life, I created projects that became gifts to others. Then I usually wondered, ” did they like it; did they ever wear it?” Being in a knitting group now, of 15-18 ladies (+/-), I have realized the supreme joy and satisfaction, of knitting for myself. Sweaters, vests, capes, scarves, hats, socks. Now I have answers those questions! I DO love what I have made. Fiber +needles brings me joy and new challenges with every project I choose. Grab those needles!
I love the colors in your blanket, and what a wonderful idea! I find I really just knit to knit, and enjoy the colors of the yarn and texture, and, at the end, I have something tangible to hold and give away. I am thinking (at 73) to trying out crochet due to my ever increasing vision loss. Can anyone recommend a good place to start?
I love the colors of your blanket just beautiful.
Spoken (written) like a true needlewoman. Stitching allows us so much time to dwell within and soothe our souls as our fingers do this beautiful work.
What a gift we have in our yarn. And what a gift we have in each other.
Yesterday my friend (since the second grade and now we are 66 and 67) received a Churchmouse Poncho I made for her and sent me a pic of her modeling it. I think it is more of a gift to me than to her!!!
There’s so much truth in this! At work, I often switch back and forth between data and creative writing and the transition from one side of the brain to the other is not always smooth. My former associate used to take one look me and tell me to go knit a few rows. It’s a reset–a ctrl-alt-del–for my brain. Both knitting and crocheting are very binary and very tactile at the same time and it brings me back to center.
“…very binary and very tactile at the same time…” Thank you for naming that duality, Karen. I’ve needed a way to describe that aspect of my passion for knitting.
I love this commentary – suits my mood exactly nowadays.
Samantha, thank you for gathering together the words I have felt about my knitting for ages. I am drawn to it for comfort more often than production—and it’s rarely disappointing. Each piece is a collection of visible therapy disguised as a function. I don’t just WANT to knit; I NEED to.
Reading this, I felt my shoulders lower in relief. Just reading this took away some stress. I need to start a project like this. Making with yarn and fabric is really a gift. Thank you!
Knitting, stitch after stitch, seems to have become a part of who I am and how I function in the world. Sometimes I think I am hungry, but standing in the kitchen realize my fingers are aching to pick up my needles. It used to surprise me, but now reminds me of many religious practitioners who rhythemically move one bead at a time, from left to right, as they pray.
We knitters create our own practice, and I am so grateful for it.
I’m trying to find something like that. Spent a month making a blanket for my mom and now have 3 more projects to add to my list. A shawl for mom, a fingerless mitten ( to replace a lost one) and a blue shawl. The Christmas ornanents list keeps growing. Started 28 yrs ago and still trying….
What a beautiful article to find, at the start of my day. Each of us is different, in our approach to needles + yarn. I taught myself to knit at age 13 or 14. Now, somehow, i am 76! All my life, I created projects that became gifts to others. Then I usually wondered, ” did they like it; did they ever wear it?” Being in a knitting group now, of 15-18 ladies (+/-), I have realized the supreme joy and satisfaction, of knitting for myself. Sweaters, vests, capes, scarves, hats, socks. Now I have answers those questions! I DO love what I have made. Fiber +needles brings me joy and new challenges with every project I choose. Grab those needles!
Samatha I love your entry. I really love the picture of you hugging your blanket. So much love and attention go into our craft making. You can feel yourself as part of your project as you knit, crochet, etc. I just picked up my temperature blanket from 2023 to complete. I need to add the finishing rows and weave in the ends. That task will take awhile, but I won’t keep walking past it and saying another day. Today is here.
Thanks again !!
PS. I was knitting a poncho that became a lapghan. We can certainly change
our minds while creating.
Our son passed away a year ago. I was unable to concentrate on crocheting, reading, anything. It took quite awhile, but I’ve gotten back to crocheting. Definitely keeps my mind busy!
My heart goes out to you Linda. Its very difficult when you lose anyone but a child is just alot. I lost my child at 35 and yes crocheting, knitting. reading will help. Even cinemathraphy helps. But praying and just talking to Jesus helped me so much more. God bless you.
My heart goes out to you,, Linda. I’m glad you have a hook to weave with.
I’m deeply sorry, Linda, for the loss of your precious boy. Big hugs from Worcester Ma.
Hello! I love your granny square concept as an ajunct activity for those times when the hands need “something” when the mind says “enough, already”. I’d been knitting since a teen (now 72) and I hadn’t had my knit-mojo in 3 yrs… Taking care of my treasured mom, 93, deep in dementia, in hospice, seeing her through was enough to take all the joy and comfort from this thing that ALWAYS carried me thru. But not this time. My Danish mom was my #1 knit buddy, so it felt disingenuous and a betrayal to be knitting for comfort while she was slowly dying, like THAT would help me? It felt like a rediculous expectation. Anyway, my knit-buddy’s been gone for a year now this july. So, after 3 yrs, I said enough – so I started w my old comfort knitting – socks. Made 3 pairs in 2 weeks! I feel so dumb now… but I’m grateful to feel like knitting again. It has saved, comforted, and satisfied me in my life and I’m grateful for it’s inner magic that has returned.
I. Love. What. You. Said.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Wonderfully said. Thank you my Lord and my God for yarn and hook and the time needed to create anything with it.
Thank you for this!! Beautiful beautiful just simply beautiful!! Your article is what I needed to read today 27 August 2025. I’m newbie with crocheting. Although I’ve been a crafty all my life but in 2021 I decided to expand my hand with crocheting and yarns.
Again thank you for your article ☺️
Thank you for sharing this. Your words are as well crafted as your makes!
I read through the comments – and I know I’m duplicating. Except for one thing. Someone said the wanted to see the finished project. But I don’t see this as a project that may ever be ‘finished’ – that’s not what it’s for. I get that. It just “IS” and will be that for as long as you need it.
Craft on, fiber friend, craft on.
Thank you for this.
I don’t know what I would do without my emotional support knitting in these trying times.
For me, I just grab some deep stash yarn. Garter stitch and laceweight yarn seem to do the trick for me right now. I can feel myself relaxing as I knit.
Loved this so much, Samantha! Your Emotional Support Blanket is beautiful, full of memories and reminders. Time to create that big basket of skeins for the blanket I’ve wanted to have on stand-by for those needed breaks from the helter skelter. Thank you!!
What an amazing way of looking at your life — as many rows as needs done. I am in awe, again, at the way you look at life and crafting. Thank you for sharing with us.
I love this so much! I have a similar granny square project. I started it in 2017! It’s so comforting, sometimes I wind up a magic ball and just crochet… no counting, no math. So relaxing! ❤️
Your article spoke to me in my grief over my beloved daughter dying 2.5 yrs ago aged 40.
Yarn and fabric have kept me sane, particularly knitting, almost obsessively so – many pairs of devine socks, beautiful shawls and scarves, and kid silk haze slipovers and gossamer jumpers.
Your phrase ‘transported to a state of deep reflection’ was wonderful. Thank you, Samantha xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss. Here’s an online hug.
Beautiful
Your expression is beautiful. I love the blanket.
I needed to read this and I didn’t even know it. This article helped me so much. It was motivating and understanding. Thank you for sharing this. I truly appreciate it.
I loved reading this. Covid was rough but this last year and a half have been more challenging. I think I am going to start a Granny rectangle just for me.
Love her writing. Interesting to read. The conversion round definitely be interesting.
Thank you so much, fellow crocheter! I enjoyed the read about your mindful adventures with this craft. The tiny granny square which exploded into a mass collage motivated by the emotions of your mental state.
You have remind us fellow crocheters of the tranquil moments of this timeless craft. Moreover, have shed enlightenment to the folks who glimpse into this world of stitching and show how wonderful it can be.
Thank you for saying this so beautifully.
Want to make this may I get the pattern
I used to love knitting and sewing, but with PD, and carpal tunnel in my left hand. ..and Oh I will be 78 next month,it s all slipping away…So I found your blog/ website unintentionally..sorry but loved reading it.
I do make cards etc so not a complete washout .Any body have a similar prob.
Just finished a long wrap in a combination of Haze and Spincycle. So soft and squishy. Luxuriously long and medium width but such a soothing evening knit for the last two months!!! I felt totally lost without it in my basket the last week. I understand that Granny Square!
I love this idea I just happened to come across this page and subscribe right away I love crocheting I have crocheted over 50 years my joy is making baby blankets and donating them to new mothers and father’s in my town and Hospital’s
Hear, hear!
Absolutely love your blanket colours Samantha. It looks beautiful
Your blanket is so beautiful and looks cozy. I can relate I’m working on my first full size granny square blanket. It helps with my anxiety and sadness as well.
So true! This summer I am working on two full bed sized blankets at the same time, one in grannies and one in shell stitch in many, many colors, and I was so thrilled when the weather cooled off. Because you don’t get all sublime making blankets when it’s in the nineties.