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  • I’ve just quit my job of 5 years (flight), because I got weary of all the changes they kept making, and not agreeing with some of them. I think I still haven’t completed the stress cycle yet, but the more I talk to others, and hopefully get confirmation of my valid choice, the closer I’ll get.The company sent me flowers and took me out to dinner, which was very nice. It also gave me a chance to explain that I wasn’t leaving because any of THEM. It gave me peace to leave on a positive note, by putting aside my feelings of revenge, and by making sure the position, and by extension, the company was in good hands. I did this by making sure the ones taking my place were trained in my duties, and let them know they could contact me if needed.
    Your post reminds me of the book I’m reading, “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van dear Kolk. He finds that the main thing that distinguishes those who keep experiencing flashbacks from trauma and those who don’t is safety. Those who find safety in their loved ones and community fare much better than those who don’t or can’t.
    Thank you for your post!

    • I left nursing after giving my 30+ years of giving and not receiving a fair wage but so much abuse

  • Oh, yes: Read this book! It’s not just useful; it’s also reassuring and funny and hopeful.

  • I heard about this book and the Nagoski sisters on Brene Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us. It is a game changer and helped me understand the basic/essential difference between stress and stressors. I highly recommend the book (have read it twice now) and listening to their interview with Dr. Brown.

  • Oh Max — what a great article. I heard these brilliant ladies on a podcast with Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-emily-and-amelia-nagoski-on-burnout-and-how-to-complete-the-stress-cycle/
    I still have dreams about a job that didn’t work out for me in 2016! Now I know why — I haven’t completed the stress cycle.

  • I also read every single Nancy Drew book looking for a girl who did adventurous things which didn’t exist in my generation. I loved Johnny Qwuest as well and wanted to be in that family! My father had a fit when I loved psychology in college so you are not alone

    • So many of us were looking for a way to grow out of our roles and the current population of girls have no idea of how far we have come

      • I love that my daughter has “no idea how far we have come”! All the work we did worked!

        • I can understand that. But, many in power are trying to move us backward. If our daughters don’t understand the work it took to get here ( which is not far enough), they won’t work to keep it in place and they will lose so many of their rights as humans. Our whole culture loses then. Teaching and learning history is important. And thank you for what you did to make change for the better!

    • Me, I was a Judy Bolton kind of girl and loved the old Johnny Quest. The later one is just crap.

    • Omigosh I LOVED Johnny Quest so MUCH.

  • Thank you for very timely advice! I’ve been struggling with stress differences and even walked away from my knitting for awhile….what was it doing for me? I’m back to it now, but still have my head buried in a book most of the time, instead of being active and searching out new things to participate in.
    I will certainly look for this book!

  • Max, I always enjoy your columns on MDK, and your newsletters. MDK is a wonderful village and perhaps people have a social media village, but the fact is that we have not evolved enough to be ok without a real life village to co-regulate with us. I think that has been a terrible side effect in addition to the horrific toll of this pandemic, the isolation.

    On a cheerier note, your frequent selections of art from the MIA remind me I need to visit our local treasure more often. They open up their special exhibit to everyone for free in the wee hours of Black Friday (the museum is always pay what you can). For many years it was my tradition to go there by myself, take in the art, and buy something from the shop. I think I’m going to do that again this year.

    And buy art from living artists. The dead ones don’t need the money.

  • I have so many beloved activities to help me lower my stress: knitting, reading, hugging my pets, cooking, running. However, my most stress-relieving activity is a good long walk. All the better if it can be in the woods or next to the ocean – but even a walk around my city helps. I guess I should have been a mail carrier…

  • Max, you’re the best. I’m getting this book today.
    This past year, a group of my 4 gfs take a long weekly walk every Friday afternoon. It has been a fabulous time to connect, get feedback, follow up with each other and our struggles and joys (2 of us just sent our 1st kids away to college).
    Thankful for this community!

  • Another great recommendation, Max.
    Yes, the younger women need to understand what older generations of women went through. We have to be vigilant too, not to allow our rights to be eroded.
    And, Deepa – your comment about supporting artists who are alive is ‘priceless’!

  • Firstly, I will always listen to Max, even if it’s on a blog post versus while sipping a beverage together. Secondly, I wish there was a tip jar feature so
    I can support posts like this and my local bookstore. Thank you as always MDK and Max!

  • I’m a middle school teacher. Going back this year has been crazy!
    My main ways to deal with the stress I bring home is knitting, hanging with my home boy (discharging) and exercise. I try to really take it to heart to take good care of myself, because I want to be great teacher for my students, which I can’t do when I’m a wreck.
    This book sounds like it’s worth reading. Thank you for sharing Max!
    MDK inspires me, makes me laugh, and brings the wisdom of brilliant people (like you) into my life via the internet.
    Thank you MDK❤️❤️❤️