I was never really a fan of “The Office,” because it always created a low-level anxiety in me about the one period in my life when I worked sort-of an office job. It was a creative position, but there were still all the around-the-edges bells and whistles of Office Life that drove me nuts: cubicles, “surprise” birthday cakes, That One Weirdo Named Chuck, etc. The worst thing—and indeed, the worst thing in all the world—was of course the Office Refrigerator and its many mysteries.
We have TWO here at Atlas HQ, two hulking stainless steel things that came with the building. One is in heavy use, the other sits forlornly across the room, the way two Starbucks are sometimes positioned on opposite street corners; one with a line out the door, the other sad and empty. (I thought about mentioning how knitters having a second refrigerator at home for moth-preventative yarn storage would be a good idea, but I know that will make people fret that their stashes would never fit in a single refrigerator, so forget I brought it up).
I don’t use the work fridge much; I’m a morning shift person and usually gone by lunch, but others here in the warehouse definitely do. Jessica Fletcher would have a field day figuring it all out: there are a lot of disparate ingredients for things in there—and not just things that are imminently lunch. I’m pretty sure someone here is making crêpes suzette on a regular basis and I know for a fact there was once a 24-pound turkey in there for a few days, and it wasn’t anywhere close to Thanksgiving. Some things really are just don’t-ask-don’t-tell situations, I think.
Only once has there been a clean-the-fridge-out threat—only in true MDK fashion, it was a nicely worded note. It might be my mind playing tricks on me, but I’m pretty sure it was engraved on off-white Crane stationery and stuck to the door of the Samsung with a wax seal. That’s how we do things. Politely. We had to act quickly, though; after that, the hummus hit the fan.
Be like a box of baking soda and help us freshen things up around here. The prize? Two buttery-soft cotton Turkish-T hand towels.
How to enter?
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Step 2: Question: What do you say when someone tells you their refrigerator is running? Leave us your answer in the comments.
Deadline for entries: Sunday, August 22, 11:59 PM Central time. We’ll draw a random winner from the entries. Winner will be notified by email.