Beyond Knitting
Precious Ordinary Days
My family has had a sad spring this year because my young sister-in-law died of cancer.
We will all lose people we love—and journaling can help us honor and celebrate our time with them.
The most practical thing I’ve been able to do for my brother is help him turn his journal from his last holiday with his wife and son into a printed book. The process has provided deep solace. His journal is such a warm and affectionate portrait of the most precious thing we have: ordinary days spent with one another.
Different forms, styles, and approaches
I adore seeing how other people journal. The more journals I see, the more I feel that the only right way to keep a journal is the one that works for you.
It needs to be doable and fit in with your neurotype, your personality, your skillset. Also, it needs to feel fun and rewarding or how will the habit ever stick?
But maybe the best thing you can bring to journaling is certainty that the little things are worth recording; that you have something to say; that our moments on this planet really matter.
A birthday in my journal; I love dots and this collage features all the spotty wrapping paper and washi tape I received that year
When my brother was in Japan, he sat down with his laptop each evening and recounted the day’s events in exuberant, detailed prose—meals eaten; different kinds of Japanese transport; the consternation and the love involved in parenting my young nephew. The daily writing was a way to embrace traveling slowly with a partner who needed lots of rest—and a way to make the most of that, as well.
When I was in Japan with my husband Mark for our honeymoon eight years ago, I recorded our trip in my own way.
I daubed the pages of my KNITSONIK Journal with all the eki stamps I could find (these are special collectible rubber stamps that can be found at every train station and tourist attraction). I scribbled notes about sounds I recorded. On one page there is a vague outline for how to recreate an amazing Japanese dish we ate with friends.
Sounds and eki stamps from our honeymoon in Japan
A journal doesn’t have to be grandiose to be rich and meaningful.
My sister-in-law loved my brother’s journal and everything it captured, commenting that if we don’t write things down, we forget them. Whether you fill it with long descriptions or stamps and lists and watercolors, what makes a journal comforting is the way it cherishes and holds the soft little pieces of our lives.
Journaling activities to help with loss
When our cat Frida died last year, it helped me so much to sit down and print out photos on my sticker-printer. I organized them sequentially and used them to mark out stages of our year with her.
The list commemorates her never-ending search for the best sunbeam. Her joy at rolling on our new velvet sofas and smothering them in fur. When she forgot to put her tongue away after grooming herself. You might say this is every cat.
But in my journal, this is the story of the one and only Frida.
Some of Frida’s silly, special moments
Inspiration and ideas
If you are a writer who likes recording things in a wordy way, Georges Perec’s Species of Spaces and Other Pieces is full of ideas for celebrating daily life through language. As well as a list of everything Georges ate and drank in a year, it contains an impassioned rant about the need for us to write more about the mundane and “common things.”
Georges Perec, Species of Spaces and Other Pieces and Josie George, A Still Life—treasured, affirming books
Josie George’s beautiful memoir A Still Life reveals how we can use writing to draw us into more deeply noticing and celebrating our everyday lives by being curious and paying attention. It shows you how to look at the world anew, with raw curiosity and love.
Like my brother’s journal, it speaks to what we can learn to see and appreciate when disability and illness force us to move more slowly through the world.
If you like recording things in a more visual or tactile way, The Art of Memory Making by Martina Calvi is a really inspiring practical guide to creating journals (also memory boxes and other forms) using ephemera, collage, and scrapbooking. In the book’s introduction, she writes “the more we romanticize these little moments in our daily lives, the more we start to see the beauty in them.”
Martina Calvi, The Art of Memory Collecting
Between words and ephemera lie a thousand other ways to celebrate your time on earth. Nothing is too small or silly to go into your journal. It doesn’t have to be fancy. It might be messy or sporadic.
But do, if you can, find a way to record the ordinary days spent here: in the end, they are what matter most.
Paint in my journal and notes, from when my niece came to stay and we found and painted shells together
Dear Felix, I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for the book recommendations. I’m rereading The Life of Stuff by Susannah Walker. The author searches for the story of her mother through her possessions. These journals are a beautiful way to record family stories, thank you!
❤️ this!
I confess, I am a sometimes/occassional journaler. I’ve tended to start journaling at times in my life when I’m doing something big; my trip to Africa with a research team, starting grad school on the opposite side of the continent WHILE newly dating a USN F-18 fighter pilot (grad school lasted, he did not), my trip to Antarctica with an Architectural planning team. spending my first stretch of time alone at our family cottage in the Canadian Near North (we’re talking truly isolated, off off grid & at least 2 hours minimum from any emergency assistance).
I can tell you that, indeed, absolutely, 100% true that the smallest details I wrote about, that I would not recall if not for the ink on paper, are the bits I’m most excited to revisit! I think it says that I’m a journalist at heart, but life has always found ways to intrude before I made it all the way to cementing the habit. There are always days in every life where exhaustion wins over any motivation…
Thank you, Dear Felix, for reminding us of the imprtance of small everyday moments!
So true about recording the details not just for yourself but the next generations. I have no journals from my grandparents or parents and would have liked to know what it was like in Europe during WWII. It’s a generational loss of history.
As always, Felix comforts and inspires me. When I was first introduced to her approach to journaling, I felt free. For years I’d wanted to learn how to do “bullet journaling “ but couldn’t . Felix’s approach helped me realize that my non-linear brain wanted a more flexible and creative approach. Hooray! I found a way to joyfully journal!
Thank you so much for this post. My husband died last June and the most healing thing I did was to make a slide show and narrative about our lives together. Each photo I found was depicting the ordinary little celebrations of daily life. I plan to continue to find my way journaling as a way of remembering and celebrating.
❤️
I so needed this. Thanks for affirming the importance of journaling and that our moments on this planet truly matter. It’s not just for us but also for those around us to actually glimpse a bit about our lives no matter how mundane. I was in Orkney, Scotland recently and visited Skara Brae and how I wish there was something written down that gave a clue to their language, customs and daily life.
“the soft little pieces of our lives”—what a lovely phrase. Thank you for that.
Dear Felix, This all resonates so deeply—the idea of a journal as a place to remember those who are no longer with us, beautiful.
The reason my latest journal has become such a habit? I asked myself to write something each day, as little as one sentence. At first (in 2022) there were often days of one sentence. Now, after almost three years of daily entries, I’ve tapped into my love of writing, and the day may one sentence or, more often, pages long. Handwriting has freed me to write more slowly. And the game of looking back at an entry a year ago reminds me of how much we pack into our lives without noticing.
Thinking about how my journal can be more fun and rewarding. Thank you.
I’ve journaled for 40 years now. It started when my doctor suggested I record my PMS symptoms and it grew from there. I wish I knew how to send a pic, they are as thick as they are tall.
What a beautiful, heartfelt letter. Thank you Felix.
Such a beautiful piece. It’s the ordinary routine of daily life that binds all the big moments together.
This could not have been more timely, Felix….I had the urge the other day to write a few lines in my journal about where I was in life right now….as I just turned 68….but the urge passed…LOL….You reminded me that it’s important…..so sorry for your loss
My lovely mother-in-law kept a diary/journal and when she died we got to read it. It was filled with the most ordinary things. A new dress, how much butter cost (in 1948) and yet I felt it to be very compelling and very comforting. How powerful our thoughts are. Felix is so right. We should write them down.
Longtime lurker here- several years ago I discovered Felix’s suggestions about journaling and found it so freeing. I keep a monthly visual journal- a calendar grid with little blank boxes, and for every day I draw/paint/color in an image from that day- it ends up being a colorful, chaotic record for the month. It makes me slow down and think about each day, what small moments stood out, what I want to remember from that day. It’s both very grounding and quite soothing amid the chaos of the wider world. Thankyou, Felix, for your presence out in this wider world, so that I could get gentle encouragement to do what felt right for me.
What a good way for you and your dear brother to spend time together.
From your devoted fan in California.
p.s. Glad to be reminded of how wonderful Species of Spaces is.
I love the phrase “ what makes a journal comforting is the way it cherishes and holds the soft little pieces of our lives”!
Thank for that thought Felix!
Felix, you are always an inspiration. I’m sorry for your family’s loss. The book you are helping your brother make is a lovely gift.