The MDK shipping department got a note on an order recently—well, I should say that I, DG Strong, got a note on an order recently—that very sweetly told me to feel free to second-guess the buyer’s color choices. “I trust you implicitly!” it said. I’ll admit this puffed my ego up about thirty extra sizes (alarm emoji!) but dear knitters: you should not do this.
It’s not that I don’t want to choose them for you; it’s that I simply cannot do it with any semblance of expertise. I am completely, utterly, one hundred percent red-green color blind. I can see red and I can see green but unless they’re really close to each other, I can’t tell them apart.
If red stop signs weren’t octagon shaped (well, and also if they didn’t say STOP on them), I would think they were nothing more than taupe-ish shapes encouraging me to just step on it. Jealousy isn’t a green-eyed monster; it’s a vaguely greyish one (and therefore a more, well, neutral concept). I am not green with envy; I am muddy beige with envy. I am never red-faced with rage; it’s more that I’m moderately upset in a khaki sort of way. Detective stories are full of cardboard-box-colored herrings. The grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence; it’s just on the other side of the fence. YOU GET THE IDEA.
When I was a child, I had a particularly bad habit of mismatching clothing and heading off to second grade looking like a pint-sized version of Tiny Tim (the ukulele version, not the Dickens version). After a few awe-inspiring get-ups, my father had to put all of my, er, more colorful clothes—pants and shirts mixed together!—in my top dresser drawer and all of my neutral ones in a different, lower, drawer. Each morning I was supposed to take ONE ITEM out of EACH drawer and that was my Costume for the Day. It was basically the Garanimals concept, but for people who didn’t know about Garanimals.
Father does indeed know best: his newfangled system kept me from wearing any further disastrous outfits. Back then, I tended toward a look that is of course right-on-trend for modern times, but I still maintain Dad’s clothing storage system to this day. You’ll never see me in five plaids at once with three reds and two greens and a mustard cummerbund. Well, unless it’s a special day, like I have to take a trip to the DMV or something.
Wait, back to the original shipping note. Don’t worry; her order was filled by a non-color-blind person and her choices were approved and shipped off before I could get any big ideas about piping up with my opinion.
In the end, it’s just yarn, not a tattoo; you can always change your mind if you don’t like the color choice you made. But seriously; don’t ask me for outfit advice unless you plan on joining a circus. Which maybe you are?
The prize? Life in the Studio by potter Frances Palmer—an explosion of colorful, handcrafted beauty—no khaki.
How to enter?
Step 1: Sign up for our weekly newsletter, Snippets, right here. If you’re already subscribed, you’re set.
Step 2: Leave a comment letting us know about your favorite unsolicited outfit advice.
Deadline for entries: Sunday, September 19, 11:59 PM Central time. We’ll draw a random winner from the entries. Winner will be notified by email.
Please join us in Nashville! We’re hosting our first-ever Knit Night at MDK World Headquarters. Saturday, Oct. 2, 3:30-7 pm. Festive eats and bevs, special shopping, and a visit with Kay, Ann, and Cecelia Campochiaro. To learn more and purchase tickets tap on over here.