Honestly, I think Weather Talk is the most boring kind of talk that there is. Is there any moment more socially terrifying than when a total stranger starts up with “Hot enough for you?” I’ll give you this answer: No, there is not.
But, sigh: it’s been hot. H-O-T, hot. Atlas HQ is outfitted with state-of-the-art air conditioning equipment (well, there’s something over in the corner that’s bing-ing and banging and bonging all the livelong day anyway), but the fact of the matter is HQ is not much more than a giant cinderblock building (painted black, by some fool who did not understand the THERMONUCLEAR LAWS OF THE SUN) with a tin roof. So on the occasional hotter-than-Georgia-asphalt day, it can feel a little baked potato-y in here for a bit until the clinkety clankety HVAC gets going. A sprinkle of bacon bits and ta-da, I’d basically be a Ruby Tuesday’s side dish.
Because we’re always working ahead on future Field Guides, there’s a serious disconnect between the current season and whatever upcoming thing we’re talking about ad infinitum. You can imagine how appealing a handknit wool blanket sounds right about now when it’s, oh, 145° Celsius outside. If you can’t imagine it, let me help you: it does not sound appealing at all.
Wool mitts? NO THANK YOU. Wool socks? BURN THEM. No, don’t … fire = more heat. BURY THEM. Frankly, the only thing that appeals to me right now is the development, packaging and consumption of store-brand ice cream sandwiches (which are the very best kind and we are not voting).
As I type, we’re having a little unexpected heat caesura. I opened the door this morning and neither fainted from nature’s full-force furnace blast nor let loose with an all-new set of colorful curse words (pamphlet forthcoming). It gave me the faintest hope that I might not actually die today. We’ve not seen the end of summer, but it will pass. There’s a meme going around that warns me to not get my hopes up just yet—we’re apparently only at the phase of summer called “Hell’s Front Porch.”
Don’t send any thoughtful sympathy cards or delicious Edible Arrangements, though; the air conditioner is working just fine here at MDK HQ. You’re unlikely to hear any F-words out of me for the near future. Until November, when I’ll be complaining about … freezing.
Help us rock with laughter as we fan ourselves on MDK’s shared virtual porch. The prize? A set of Silbia Ro’s Camellia Fiber Co. Signature Mini-skeins in a set of supercool, gentle colors.
How to enter?
Step 1: Sign up for our weekly newsletter, Snippets, right here. If you’re already subscribed, you’re set. If you’re not, did you happen to know we occasionally offer Snippets-only special discounts? One of those just might be coming up soon.
Step 2: Question: What is it hotter than at your house? Leave us your answer in the comments.
Deadline for entries: Sunday, August 15, 11:59 PM Central time. We’ll draw a random winner from the entries. Winner will be notified by email.