Ask Patty: The Slinky Strikes Again

December 10, 2018

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  • A couple of weeks ago I was in my office in the large federal building where I work, when suddenly a woman with whom I’d worked NINETEEN YEARS AGO in a different agency appeared in my doorway. She told me a tale of woe — she had accidentally felted her favorite sweater and sought me out to knit her another one. Immediately. I told her (more or less politely) that I did not have time to do so — work was insane and asking a knitter to drop everything to make a sweater for an almost-stranger a few weeks before the holidays was at the very least a faux pas.

    She got a little nasty about the whole thing, then sighed and said “Fine! How about I pay you?”

    The only way I managed to get rid of her was to claim a pressing meeting so I could get up and leave the office.

    • Maybe you should have knit her that sweater, but with the neck hole sewn shut!

    • My first thought was “raised by wolves,” but that’s not fair on wolves really.

      • Uze giys be funE! LOL!!

    • “How about I pay you” !!!!!!!????? That’s when I really want to ask the person to do whatever it is they do for fee. They are a real estate agent – will you sell my house for me, commission? Oh, I thought because I knew you it would be free . . . AHHHHHH

      • This is EXACTLY how I reply to such questions. “Will you paint my house/fix my plumbing/tend my garden/prepare my will/remove my appendix for free? Oh, why not?” If they’re professionals, I say I’ll trade my knitting services for an equal number of hours of their time. Actually, I wouldn’t knit anything for any “gimme pig” for any price, but usually the offer to trade valuable services shuts them up.

  • If I had a nickel for every time someone told me
    “ You should sell those “, I WOULD be on the Forbes list.

  • For the “you should sell that” comment, I make them do the math. What they see me making is invariably socks, since they’re my go-to portable project. Here’s how the conversation goes:

    I ask them if they think $10/hr is a decent hourly rate. (I’ve never had anyone say no.)

    I then tell them that I can make about an inch of sock per hour. (My socks are long-ish – each one is about 14” long. )

    I then tell them that the beautiful yarn for said socks cost me $20.

    (I let them do the math. Eyes invariably go round.)

    Problem solved, and non-knitter educated about the labor of love that is knitting.

    • Brilliant and well done!

    • Oh, excellent!

  • When people want to pay me to knit them something, I always say that when you take something you love and do it for money, it stops being fun – which is why I never became a prostitute.

    • uh oh (says the woman who know knits for a living) 🙂

      • I meant NOW knits for a living (thanks auto correct!)

      • LOL!!!!

    • Love this!

    • BRAVA ! Wonderful comeback

  • Re. #3, a) I try to treat it as a compliment … the person is saying that whatever I’m knitting looks beautiful; b) I was at a fair this weekend and there ARE people who sell chunky small acrylic hats for $50! I was desperately curious about how many she sells.

  • My response when people ask me to knit for them is this: “I only knit for people who came out of my body or that I’m married to. If you would like to learn how to knit, I’d be thrilled to teach you. .” The usual response is a confused expression, then a laugh. And a few of them now know how to knit!

    • This is my usual response, as well. Except now I have to add “or came out of the body of someone who came out of my body.”

  • Wendy: Mazal Tov on not strangling the woman!
    People are always asking me why don’t I sell my knitting. I just ask them if they would pay $1000 for my hand knits?
    ( I am the slowest knitter on the planet!)

    • My response is often “you can’t afford it”.

  • Why get upset? This question is a non-knitter’s way of praising what we are doing and complimenting our particular piece. I tell them what a slow knitter I am and that selling would not be feasible for me as I could never break even. If they ask further, I give them a sense of the scale of the thing… how little one would make per hour, and how long the recipient might wait. Similarly, I tell them, cheerfully or regretfully, depending on how tactful I’m feeling, that I have a long queue of requests pending (true of every knitter). Stephanie Pearl McPhee writes eloquently about the number of stitches and the love involved in making a knitted gift.

    • I can never think of a snappy answer fast enough for the person who asks me to knit for them. I have offered to teach, but folks never want to do it themselves. I have thought to myself that maybe an explanation of costs might help. What if I said that a 50 dollar deposit would get you a spot for a pair of socks, scarf, whatever…then when they gasp, you could spell out the time needed, cost of quality yarn, etc. It’s comforting to know that I am not alone in thinking of clever responses! You all are a howl!

    • In my case and probably most everyone here, its not that anyone gets upset about someone telling them they should sell things and leaving it at that. Those cases are more teaching opportunities — an opportunity to teach that not everything is about money. The thing that irritates me is when people ask me to make something for them because it’s almost always someone I don’t know well or at all, and the sort of people who ask that tend to be very persistent. It’s nice to have a bag of comebacks that shut that type of person down quickly so that I can get back to the bliss of knitting.

  • Regarding the question about selling one’s knitting, I always say that knitting is one of the things I do for love that I won’t do for money.

  • Lol, love your attitude Patty!! And regarding smaller/larger needle in relation to gauge, I had to find an explanation and WRITE it down as it always gets my head turned around the more I try to figure it out

  • I learned a good solution to the gauge conundrum from a knitting teacher (name forgotten) years ago. EXAGGERATE! If you’re getting a smaller number of stitches per inch than the pattern says, in your mind go WAY smaller — like “What if I were getting 2 stitches/inch and the pattern says 10?” You would immediately understand that you need to go with a smaller needle, right? Or if you said “I”m getting 20 stitches/inch and the pattern says 6.” You’d know you need to go with a larger needle. That has always worked for me.

  • Somewhere I read…
    Knitting is like Sex
    If I love you enough, it’s free.
    If not, you can’t afford it.


    • Perfect!

  • I understand why it can get annoying, but I’m with those who choose to explain to non-knitters why I don’t make things for sale.
    There’s no way for them to know how long it takes, and how expensive the materials are. They are simply admiring your work… the creativity, the skill, the beauty. In that sense it’s a compliment.
    When that comment comes I simply tell them how long it takes… if it’s about 10 hours to knit a pair of stockinette socks, and if I want even minimum wage that’s $74 for labor and another $20-30 for materials. The idea of a $100 pair of socks both surprises them… and informs them.
    That question is not even close to as annoying as the statement “You can get those socks cheaper at Walmart”. THAT makes me want to punch people (though I don’t).
    BTW, I sew for a living and get a similar question about sewing garments… the answer is much the same, and equally surprising to non-sewers.

  • I was just reminded of a former co-worker who I would avoid at all costs as I found her to be lazy and just a pain in my posterior end. I was wearing a new sweater that I still love , it took time, time and more time but was worth it. You got it if you’re thinking you can finish this story. Yep, she asked me if I would knit one for her. I very politely told her NO ! But to this day, every time I wear that sweater, I think of all 300 pounds of her asking me if I would knit “one” for her

  • These are some of the funniest comments ever ! Knit on with love ❤️

  • As everyone else has noted, kind people who intend to compliment usually earn some back-of-the-envelope arithmetic about yarn costs, hourly pay, and time investment. For persistent people who refuse to hear the gentle no (or for those who asked rudely) I use some snark. I find responding “I don’t sell but I DO barter—what are you going to spend 50 hours making for me?” usually gets the message across.

  • I tend to think of the people I would knit for as being “Woolworthy”. I only knit for ones I love!

  • Whenever I’m asked about selling my knitwear my response is that knitting is like sex. . . If I like you enough you can have it for free. . . If I don’t, no amount of money will entice me to do it. That usually gets a laugh. (Sorry if I offended anyone)

  • Just this week, my sister texted me to ask if I had some handmade socks she could buy to give as gifts. Um… no. No, I have given her a few pairs and she lives them, so it was obviously a sense of appreciation that prompted her to ask, but she obviously doesn’t have a handle on how long it takes. Nor, how much they would cost.

  • The slinky bind off method you mention is also the standard invisible bind off for crochet in-the-round motifs.

  • Patty, all I can say is that I think you would be a fabulous person to have dinner with: as witty and sarcastic as all of my favourite people. Some day I hope I can take a class with you, just to listen to you speak. I love learning with a side of funny!

  • Patty, my question is what should you do if you have the correct gauge for stitches but not for rows?? I almost never have the correct gauge for rows. However, it didn’t really matter because I have only been knitting hats, shawls, etc. things that gauge is really not that critical. I have just started the Weekender and that was the case again. Not sure what to do or how it will affect this sweater.