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Due to some Life Things, I rearranged my schedule somewhat recently and ended up working at MDK World HQ alone on the weekends quite a bit. I don’t mind it too much; now that it’s fall, I can roll up the big glass garage doors and whistle while I work (Allison hates whistling, so there is never any weekday whistling).

I’ve mentioned before that it’s a big creaky building and while, yes, it’s in the middle of the Delicious District, on weekends it’s quite desolate. MDK sits between the weird tortilla smell-alike cabinetmaker and a vehicle rehab shop that seems to have cornered the market on banging out the dents in vintage Airstream trailers. On Saturdays and Sundays, there’s rarely anyone in the neighborhood, so it’s just me locked into the MDK compound, listening to Linda Ronstadt as loud as decibly possible.

I say “compound,” but don’t get any fancy Kennedys-at-Hyannis-Port ideas into your head. It’s  more Attica than Martha’s Vineyard, with a foreboding remote controlled access gate and a chain link blackout fence surrounding the perimeter. No casual observers will ever learn our yarn secrets! All we need is a tower and a couple of stern guards to complete the illusion of a fortress.

I’ve had to climb the gate twice: once when it was iced shut and again recently when I couldn’t find my remote fob after I was sealed inside. Because I close the gate when I’m here alone on weekends, I had to climb over it to enter the code on the outside-the-gate panel to get the gate to reopen when it was time for me to drive off.

The fob was—of course—in my pocket all along. I was climbing the gate and somehow pressed the button as I was atop it. Picture the now in-motion gate slooooowly stuttering open; let’s just say it was a peak inelegant, not-the-Kennedys situation. With me high atop a moving-one-foot-per-hour fence looking like the world’s dumbest thief, it seemed more like a Nixon sort of deal, frankly.

Anyway. With MDK’s Arne + Carlos weekend coming up in November, some of you will see these sights in person. By then, I hope to have a few historical plaques installed, commemorating things like “The Time DG Climbed the Gate” and “Ann’s Parking Space By the Door: Who Does She Think She Is?” See you soon! Sign in with the guard, please.

A Giveaway!

The prize? Make Your Own Field Guide Bundle! The winner will choose any three Field Guides.

How to enter?

Two steps:

Step 1: Sign up for our weekly newsletter, Snippets, right here. If you’re already subscribed, you’re set.

Step 2: You probably have a story like DG’s to share. Give us the historical plaque title in the comments and leave the rest to imagination. (We read all comments. Thanks for playing along week-to-week. We love our inventive, good-humored readers!)

Deadline for entries: Sunday, October 23, 11:59 PM Central time. We’ll draw a random winner from the entries. Winner will be notified by email.

About The Author

DG Strong took up knitting in 2014. He lives in Nashville with his sister, her rat terrier and a hound dog named Opal. He has a blog of drawings and faintly ridiculous rambling called The Psychopedia—there are worse ways to spend your afternoon.

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  • IT guy makes us change passwords weekly. Fobs not helpful.

    • My golden retriever went to the neighbors wedding and the message was: “Wilbur is locked in our barn”. We are getting married today

      • I need to hear more of this story!

        • I was making brownies or some chocolate dessert, using my cheap hand mixer that I had at the time. I shut it off to retrieve something I needed and was across the room when it started on its own, throwing chocolate batter on the ceiling and walls.

  • At my house, “In memoriam – brand new bird feeder” would be placed next to “Beware of Bears.”

    • “This marks the spot ….fill in the blank.” Our family has so many incidents.

      • 4″ of water in our family room/basement

      • Please(politely Canadian) Rest In Peace my first bamboo needle to be chewed by the cat….

      • Autopilot warning. The garage door opener doesn’t work because you don’t live here anymore.

    • We had one of those!

  • Where Gilley Expired

    • Kitchen and grandmother festooned in spaghetti squash after dramatic explosion.

      • Learned the hard way that I don’t throw well. Pitched a hockey puck-shaped ice dam preventer up toward its intended target, the roof, but instead threw it through the dining room window.

  • “The Time the Christmas Turkey Caught Fire…Twice.”

    • I would love to hear the rest of that story.!!!

      • The time the roaster and oven quit on Thanksgiving day and ended up with BBQ chicken.

  • Oh boy, laughed out loud (startling the cats, but the dog snoozed on) at that image of you perched on the moving gate. Thanks for a great day-starter.

  • Egrets homeplace

    • Commemorating The time I learned that I can get stuck in the dog door, but still not be able to reach my keys that were locked inside.

    • Crazed Knitter/Gardener/Cat Lady/Wine Maker ahead. Proceed Slowly. Drop off Package on Porch.

  • But that would make a mess of the cheese!

    • Caterers Locked Food in this Room as Wedding Reception was Starting.

  • I accidently locked my infant son in our room at a retreat center and was told that they “weren’t sure if they even had any keys to the room!?!?!?!?” My response was – “You bleep well better find one and bleep fast because my baby is on the other side of that door!” (I am a pastor – and this was in front of a room FULL of pastors and our presiding bishop . . . ) My husband called me the potty mouth pastor for weeks! Whenever I go on retreat – I remember to check the door behind me and to ask for a key. I won’t make that mistake again! Seriously – doors that lock and NO KEYS in the building – bananas!

    • great pastor stories!

    • How many pairs of reading glasses can she wear at one time, while still looking for reading glasses?

      • I’ve looked for my keys that were in my hand!

    • During a sermon, I was describing an incident when I was a student chaplain — I meant to say that I jumped “when my pager vibrated” — but what I SAID, out loud, in church, from the pulpit, was “when my vibrator paged.” Sigh.

      • OMG, I am both blushing for you and rolling on the floor laughing and crying! I NEEDED this laugh.

      • Not sure I should even bother entering this contest after reading this AMAZING story!

      • This wins in my book!

  • “This spot is where a Jeep Wrangler disappeared, never to be seen again.”— while parked inside a restricted-access parking lot surrounded by tall barred fencing and across from a busy Olympic compound in a foreign country with French speaking detectives. Had to recall our high school French lessons.

  • Italy, hotel safe, late for taxis to airport, yes, plural since we had two road bikes in their cases which didn’t fit in one cab. Passports in safe. Code to safe? Well, if I had punched it in correctly I would have known.

    Thanks DG, always a pleasure.

  • The school bus incident

    • The time the gravy ended up on the ceiling.

  • The Jasper Disaster.
    My goofy golden retriever thinks a patio chair is chasing him and drags it to front yard denting the home owners car, aluminum house siding and finally creates numerous divots in front yard.
    Picture a dog leash looped to a chair and the more the dog tries to outrun the chair, the more it “chases” him.
    Miraculously, dog is uninjured and homeowner forgives dog owner.

  • It’s on a switch

    • Don’t Even Try!

      • Wrong exit from the Taj Mahal.

        • The 24 pound turkey for a family of 2 at their first Thanksgiving together!

  • “Accidentally Breaking Into the Under-Construction Florida Capitol Building”

  • Don’t underestimate the lady in the apron. If you upset the dog, it’s me you’re going to deal with.

    • Two persons to open fridge safely.

  • Don’t panic – just look on your head. I use to wear readers and could never find them – look on my head – LOL. I resolved that issue by getting multi-focal contacts.

    • I am a multifocal contacts evangelist. They’re brilliant for us middle-aged nearsighted/farsighted types. I pop them in each morning and am good to go. Amazing technology.

  • “Ticket Frustration” – the time I thought the ticket guy took the half of our basketball tickets that had the seat location- “Where are our seats!?!?!!!”- but oh, wait, these are “general admission”. Good thing my then boyfriend/now husband had a sense of humor as I was severely confused, and he married me anyway. But you “riding” the gate- priceless!

  • Hubbie carrying suitcase uphill in Glasgow with wheels for suitcases strapped to backpack

    • The time I crashed an Amish funeral, thinking I had located my family reunion.

      • Ohmybuggygod!! I LOVE this image!

  • At the STOPLIGHT: Dustbusting and a Million Tiny Feathers…

  • could get up, but not down; several times…

  • Check house for small children before departing.

  • i drove to my son’s house one saturday. He also has a gate. i did not have my gate keys. i could hear the tiller in the garden, i tried to call him but he could not hear the phone.. i had to climb the gate. i grew up on this farm, i have climbed every gate there, but probably not in the last 20 years. climbed it, got his keys and let myself in. and no bones were broken in the climbing of this gate.

  • “Even though the office chair flipped, she never missed a syllable.”

  • Me complaining loudly, “my key doesn’t work!” It was not the right key.

  • Don’t volunteer till you know what the job is!!!!

  • The Time the Coffee Cup Was Too Small for the Office Machine.

  • No great escape here but I was hung from a fence in the school yard when I was a child. Teacher had to get me down.

  • Told friends the incorrect date of a concert-upped my membership to the space shot club.

  • This happened a couple of times: really mad at my husband for being so late to pick me up from work. Forgot I had the car because I had driven myself!

  • A plaque under the bathroom window: “Entrance when keys were forgotten”.

    • Me, too! Though the bottom half of the window didn’t open—only the top. Also, it was a semi-basement apartment, so the floor was abnormally far. The whole thing involved an acrobatic cat-burglar-like maneuver that I am proud to have executed without harming myself to this day.

  • “Ma’am, that’s not your car.” As I’m frantically trying to get my key fob to work, arms loaded with grocery bags, in a busy parking lot. With lots of white SUVs. It wasn’t my white SUV.
    And I’ll be damned if it didn’t happen again just two days ago.

    • I walked up to “my” minivan in a parking lot one evening (many years ago), unlocked the door with my key, readjusted the seat (huh, how did that get moved?), started the car, shifted into reverse, looked into the rear view mirror and immediately realized that this was NOT my car. EEK! Shifted back to park, turned off car, readjusted seat, jumped out, locked door and power walked to my van 2 spaces over on the far side of a large panel van. We had purchased our van in VA and this happened in AK. What are the chances??? My sign? “Hey, lady! Are you sure this is your car?”

      • WOW!!! This happened to me many years ago…I was so weirded out that MY key unlocked someone else’s car!

    • Yes, I just did that last week with my little white car. Learning to check license plate numbers before cursing the fob.

    • My husband did that more than once and twice the van he was trying to get into was his twin brother’s.

  • The lens of my glasses popped out of the frame at work. I go into a conference room full of people saying, “I’m looking for a screw”. Red face once I realized what I said. Ugh.

    • Trying to close the car door while my leg was still outside, the leg that had a full cast on, didn’t feel a thing!

  • “The Balance Ball Office Chair Wins the Day”

  • Drove to DC area airport to return home after a very busy work week. Returned rental car then went into airport. Argued with TSA official that “Yes, Jet Blue DOES have a terminal here!” Then realized I drove to the wrong DC airport!
    Luckily, I was able to change my reservation and get a flight home from an airline that actually operated at the airport.

  • Mom and I searched parking lot car by car after shopping in Cleveland (this was long ago when Cleveland had lots of down town shopping). Concluded that car had been stolen, called Dad to come pick us up (30 mile drive), filed police report. Dad arrived and immediately noticed the car in a different parking lot across the street from where we were talking to the police.

  • Follow the Path Worn From Front Door to Recliner, TV Remote and Knitting Bag

    • Where end of unwound yarn led to knitter

  • Step off the bus!

  • How to teach the 2 year old to move the chair to the door and climb onto it it to unlock the door that mommy (barefoot and nightgowned) accidentally closed behind her.

  • Elegant dog-door entry!

    • You must have a bigger dog than we do! 😉

    • The time I locked my keys in the car with the car running. I had to wait 45 minutes for a locksmith to come and unlock the car. Needless to say I was a little late for work that day. On the bright side, I didn’t run out of gas.

  • Steaming Hot Gravy!!!! The burns did fade but the memory – not so much.

  • Backed out of the garage with the back car door open… more than once!!!

    • Ahh. I’m prone to forget to open garage door before merrily backing out. Does make a mess of the door, car, and my schedule! Being a bear of very little brain, I’ve done it more than once!!!

  • Front door: Place where daughter tried to jimmy the lock with plastic card, inside the keyhole. As the rest of the family arrived no one could enter until the locksmith arrived.

  • There’s gold buried here somewhere.

  • That time I got ‘rough’ with Mexican airport security when they confiscated my knitting needles!

  • The Time My Mother Broke Into A Car

  • Over a snack room door in a college dorm: On a chilly fall evening, an inebriated freshman pulled a vending machine on top of her by rocking it to dislodge a bag of chips. Kids, don’t do this!

    • The mystery of only the green m&ms

  • The number of times I have looked for the key in my hand is extraordinarily. Let’s just say if I had a nickel for every time I’d be knitting with cashmere all my days.

    Also, can’t wait to see headquarters in just a few weeks!!!!!

    • Once I left some eggs to hard boil on the stove, but then left the house with them still boiling. Once I remembered, some time later, there were bits of exploded egg everywhere and an empty pot “dancing” on the hot stove top. Thankfully that was the extent of the damage.

  • The day Elizabeth set her examination table in motion while talking to the doctor

  • The One Where Catherine Cooked the Turkey With That Little Plastic Bag of Giblets Inside.

    • That was the time my sister and I took over making Christmas dinner for our family

  • “To commemorate the time the car drove into the below-house parking area, with the bikes on top” (he did it twice!!)

    And, the time the bike flew off the car top rack onto the highway and was run over by a tractor trailer.

  • Young,beautiful and elegantly dressed in a frothy silk, I was led in to the posh restaurant with my then handsome husband and his equally,still handsome co-star. My thought,as I sprawled upended on the floor,was “ thank goodness I had not worn my country girl undies under that voluminous skirt,” followed by “I forgive myself,with my rural,bookish upbringing,for not knowing the maitre d’ ‘s duties included pulling out the chair to seat madam!” Fortunately,my innate sense of humour ensued as I was hauled up red-faced and laughing.

  • More than Heathcliff on the Moors (And at most inconvenient Time)

  • Where Emma Expired

  • Accidentally walking into newly poured cement on a busy city street and falling in up to my knee while wearing Birkenstocks. Followed by a power wash of leg and sandal. Much embarrassment on my part.

  • My friends are coming home from a day trip with the bicycles standing up on top of the car. Husband presses the remote for the garage door, speeds up the driveway, and …???

    • Gramma breaks ankle at motorcycle safety class “because I can do that as well as the instructor”

  • Where’s the baby?

    • Oh, yes! Mine is “I thought you were at home with the baby”. Still brings a shiver of terror, and she’s an adult.

  • Parking Lot Drownings, thanks for the chuckle!

  • A few years ago, I bought a BBQ online. Very excited to get my first Weber! I had been looking around for sales all summer and finally the depot of home things had it. I added to my virtual cart, checked out and received my confirmation email. It would have been a bit of a wait to have it delivered so I rented a car share to go pick it up. I wasn’t going to waste another minute to get grilling. I showed up at the store and since they were experiencing very long wait times for in-store pickup so I went to the BBQ aisle and grabbed it myself, handing my printed receipt to the person at the customer service desk. I checked the serial number so I knew I had the right box, comparing it to the piece of paper I was holding. When I got home, I was ready to put it together. I flipped through the instruction booklet, assembled all the parts in front of me and started turning screws and tightening bolts. It wasn’t until I was about three quarter done assembling it that I realized there wasn’t a connecting hose for a propane tank and since I don’t have a gas hookup at my apartment, I started to panic. At no point during ordering, printing my email, or getting the box at the store did I notice that this was not a propane tank BBQ. Ended up exchanging it, but the moral of the story is: reading is hard!

  • Fireworks into Christmas tree instead of off deck!

  • Forgotten child frantically trying to signal Mom as she drives don’t the road past school!!

  • Crazy Guy Likes to Weave in Stitches

  • The SU spends hours looking for the key to the shed, which is in their back pocket – found at the hardware store when they were trying to get another key made.

  • I recently lost my luggage, thanks Air France! My ever sympathetic husband’s comment was, “We’ll head to Scottsboro (AL) and pick it up at Unclaimed Bagage in a month or two” The plaque over the garage reads, Husbands New Home!

  • Find a hammer. Pick a window. No neighbor has a key.

  • Haha – I think you’re trying to compete with Franklin to give us a good belly laugh. You succeeded!

  • Mouse nest in the Thanksgiving oven.

  • Here 15 years ago, a heavily pregnant woman, trying to be as prepared as possible, turned the child locks on in the backseat (she really likes to think ahead), then sat in the back and closed the doors to install the car seat. Once finished, she realized her error and had to wedge herself between the two front seats to reach the button to unlock the doors.

    • lolol

  • Don’t even try to get into the lower freezer – the food in there is 10 years old because we haven’t been able to open it since Jonathan climbed on it to get into the fridge when he was 4!

    • Lost in the maze at Hampton Court. Still lost, 10 minutes before our bus was leaving.

  • Danger! Goose flight path!

  • Went out the front door to pick up newspaper, closing and locking door. No one else was home. Had to crawl through the high kitchen window. Was wearing only a short robe….

  • Final exam date, place and time. But wait…I never attended that class!

  • Squirrel Hill, Bird Manor, Dog Heaven

  • It’s ok, my Rottweiler is just smelling your Boxers!

  • Walking to car, calling and telling husband i have to go back to office to get phone

  • My husband says to the stranger who just woke him up by pounding on the wall outside our bedroom window. “that sounds just like my wife, I believe you, here are the keys to our car”.

  • “Tons of Yarn – Enter at Your Own Risk!”

  • Husband driving through car wash with groceries in truck bed.

  • Years ago, on a rainy morning, I jumped out of my car to head into high school and locked my car keys in the car with the engine still running. I didn’t even realize it until the announcement came over the intercom, ” There is a ’68 Chevrolet Impala in the parking lot, locked with the engine running”. I turned a million shades of red as I made my way to the school office to call my mom to ask her to bring the spare keys.

  • Tausend D-mark, Herr Anderson …

  • That time Gillian forgot she had a baby.

  • Caution stairs ahead

  • The ambulance where I accompanied a 4th grade student to the hospital with a knitting needle stuck in her leg.

  • Thank you for putting a smile on my face, I can just picture it. Have a wonderful day

  • You sent the cello where???

  • Can’t find car. Hit panic button. Can hear beeping, but don’t see car— wrong level of parking garage!!!

  • “Did you wash your hands?”

    I have said this to all of my children and teacher husband when they walk in the door since the eldest child was school-aged. (For reference he will be 21 in 2 weeks.) I still say it when anyone comes home from being anywhere. One weekend I was gone and when I got home my then teen son said to me “don’t worry mom I made sure they all washed their hands when we got home!”
    Ha! Maybe they do listen?!?!

  • The times I had to get the neighbor to break into our tattoo shop, because my boss was in jail.

  • By the garage door:
    Where Mom drove onto the cabinet doors Dad was refinishing, then backed out over them when she realized her mistake.

  • Where’s my purse? It can’t just disappear. Check your shoulder before searching the entire house.

  • Very sick person locks herself out of house. Has to call her work because husband also works there so he can drive home to open door

  • At my the plaque would read: Losing While Staring at It!

  • Mind the gap!

  • Caution: Wandering herd

  • The time I threw a tantrum because of the lost key that was in the passenger door lock‍♀️

  • Off to the races!

  • Mom tests Christmas xc skis in hallway of ranch home

  • Babysitter fail! Sleeping baby locked in bedroom. No key!

  • No funny stories, just laughter during my reading. Love your sense of humor, and you look so serious in your picture.

    • Where the chipmunk lived in the closet for 3 days.
      Even though we left a trail of peanuts to the open door and he took every one but didn’t leave!

  • The bathroom window that the fireman popped open after I accidentally locked my toddler inside the house alone.

  • ‘A chipmunk possibly followed me into the building’
    ‘Hello, James’ – in a historic18th site where some believe there is a ghost.

  • Left, your other left.

    Thanks for the gate story. Too funny.

  • Please, please tell me there is security camera footage of you climbing/riding the gate!! Although I do like Linda Ronstadt, my choice for by myself- turn it up must’ve has to be Led Zeppelin.

  • There’s a squirrel on the toilet.

  • The time Casey made several theater-goers search all over for her keys she thought fell out of her pocket when she’d actually given her keys to the valet-parking guy….

  • “Mr. Wildlife is our hero.”

  • That Dress Buttons in The Back ~ Customer Service, 1998

  • I simply can not compete with the hilarious images in my head over your post and the others that followed. What a great way to start the day. Thanks for the laughs!

  • Marie and Susan stole the cameras back from the dead guy’s office. May 1985.
    P.s. we returned them to the av room where they belonged.

  • I went to pick up my son from school and left the baby locked in the car. Fortunately the school had a janitor. I’m sure we’ve all been there at one time or another.

  • How could a dryer start a fire at my business? Well, it did!!

  • This one for my daughter —— “Where Mom did a face plant while chasing YOUR puppy”. Commemorating one of the joys of motherhood:)

  • Your best ever post. Thanks for the morning fun!

  • The day both sets of car keys were locked inside the car. At the top of a mountain lookout!

  • Check on top of your head before searching entire house for readers!

  • My husband put both phones in his pocket somehow, so we could not find mine. Almost missed an event looking for it!

  • 48 years ago…new to town…walking around taking scenic pictures…stumbled upon nude beach.

  • Plaque 1
    Behind the milk

    Plaque 2
    I’ll be right there (again)

  • Where Pam turned an irrigation riser into a geyser.

  • Naked, changing clothes in what I THOUGHT was the ladies room.

  • In this rural barn, Pastor mistakes wedding for rehearsal. At least she arrived on time (barely)

  • “Dog Cemetery! Please don’t run over it with your tractor!!”

  • Where I was talking on the cell phone I was desperately looking for…..

  • The in-the-city traffic wrong-way Uber driver …twice

  • Number of broken windows to gain entry to house when unable to rouse sleeping young person

    • Water or not to water

  • Plaque next to priceless vase in unnamed museum…. Do not toss your chewing gum in here!

  • Where I was desperately searching for the cell phone I was calling from…

  • Thanksgiving, the turkey is done well before all else, grandma turns the oven low and covers the turkey….with saran wrap! Had to pull off melted plastic before we could eat!

    • I need three of these:
      On this spot Miss A stood awkwardly waiting on her brother to bring the extra set of car keys.

  • The time my brother’s dog ate part of the dragon=shaped Thanksgiving bundt cake.

  • “The day my Brittany Birch dpn fell through a hole in time”

  • The Bush I hid behind while sneaking around in a gated community at the age of 60….

  • When I worked on my feet all day in heels, for 12 hours, I once went to work in a brown heel and a black heel, 1 2 inches, and 1 3 inches. Didn’t notice until I took my shoes off when I got home.

    I agree with Allison about the whistling. It gets to high pitched and discordant.

  • The primal scream…who did that…me?!

  • Plaque to be placed under kitchen window where firefighters had to break in after I locked myself out of the house chasing after a dog before a midterm exam, but with a phone in my hand.

  • The Turkey will be ready in another 5 hours! Everyone is ready to eat but Turkey is not cooked. Finally I noticed the temperature was turned down to 200degrees all this time.

  • The time my boyfriend had to ask the campus police to help him break into my car, which he had borrowed and in which he had locked the keys.

  • Plaque: Here worked the parking lot attendant who said Yes to the Dress (shoes)

    Long ago in a large US city known for uptight evening dress standards, I was the award honoree at a dinner in an elite hotel. We drove in from out of town, parked our old car in the hotel garage and hastily changed clothes in our comped hotel room. But oops, my husband forgot his dress shoes and had only the Vans he was wearing (waaaay back when Vans were common just among rockers and beach bums). What to do? My husband, in coat and tie and black-and-white checkerboard shoes, went to search our car for better shoes. He returned in nice black shoes I’d never seen. For $20, he had made an emergency trade with the garage attendant! Our lips were sealed, but the dignified dinner conversation with a table of upper-crust donors needed some sparkle. We spilled the shoe story and the table broke into infectious laughter and storytelling that lasted all evening, leaving the other 8-tops probably wishing they were having what we were having.

  • “The time Salt and Sugar were mixed up in the Pie”

  • I vote for the student chaplain with the paging vibrator. Thanks for starting my day off with a belly laugh.

  • A sign for my car–This isn’t Boston–stop yelling at the other drivers.

  • Hilarious stories! It’s nice to know how much alike we all are. Wonderful.

    • “It can happen to you too”
      I laugh so much with all the stories!
      Thank you!

  • And I thought it was just me!

  • This marks the spot where she slipped and fell under the school bus in front of a busload of fellow students.

  • “Didn’t research State Department alerts!”
    (All is well)

  • ‘The Turkey/Flu Incident.’ Hint…we didn’t have the flu.

    • I worked in a coin op laundromat one summer while in college. Occasionally someone would leave a load behind in a dryer, so I would pull it out and save it till they came back to claim them. One day I was emptying a load and saw a t shirt like one that I had. Then I pulled out another shirt that also was like one of mine….wait a minute…these are MY clothes….!

  • Horse laugh
    Human bath.
    Early spring, 1978.

  • My first apartment on my own, and I started to hear an odd noise – decided to call the phone company (this was maybe 1983). Two steps in the door, the guy said “that’s the smoke alarm”.

  • Site of the Thanksgiving House Fire, also known as the “Paper Bag Apple PIe Disaster”.

  • This one was when I was home alone for supper with my little brothers. I think we were 16, 15, and 12 at the time. New Stove Melts Frozen Pizza, Order Takeout and DONT TELL DAD!

  • My story, The Day The Tourist Came, is too long for a comment, but this reminded me of the poignant story “The Day the Pig Fell Into the Well” by John Cheever, which I recommend to anyone who hasn’t read it.

  • At least four times a day this question races through the house: “Where’s my cell phone?” The newer models should have a strap or a magnet so they can be kept near at all times.

  • Not a Museum. We live here. Mind the ferocious felines.

  • “Where She Broke Her Ankle and Met Her Husband”

  • On the kitchen ceiling: SITE OF SOY SAUCE EXPLOSION OF 2016.

  • The year that the Christmas tree fell over three times

  • Graceful pirouette on ice while carrying garbage. Ambulance required.

  • Too Funny! DG’s accounting of the gate fiasco and the many other stories that follow read like a script for a Laurel & Hardy short film. Thanks for the morning belly laughs!

    I could add at least 50 more, but here’s my plaque. “She’s Late Again” – Placed by my husband & the repairman after backing into the closed garage door and knocking it off track for the 3rd time.

  • “I was a waitress in my former life,” said proudly one second before the elevator door closed on my arm causing all the food to spill while many professional colleagues looked on.

  • She thought it was cucumbers?

  • This car’s doors are locked!

    But not the hatchback, so feel free

  • found the lost for a week favorite ring in the bag of chips. Now she is engaged to self.

  • “In this spot, in 1972, a very young Liz learned that museum antiquities are Display Only.”

  • Employer’s guard said Iocked my keys in the car again; this time the car was still running

  • “Mind the gap!”

  • Went out into the garage after having left the key to the garage in the kitchen door closes behind me and I’m locked into a sweltering hot garage. Wondering if I was going to have to break a window to get out then remember it’s a garage… and use the garage door opener. Called my neighbor who had a house key. Who fortunately was home and let me into the house. Never take the garage key into the house ever again..

  • He went to the wrong Kroger.

  • Hmmm……. Well, many moons ago I had a Newfie (dog) who would go through the large dog door in the middle of the night and start barking. I went outside with just my undies on to get him to stop and the door closed behind me…. Locked…… I tried to crawl through the dog door but Teddy (the dog) kept nipping on my fanny… and I couldn’t fit. And Ted kept barking. I was so worried the neighbors would look out their window and see me half naked. So I finally knocked on the back door, my husband finally heard me and came to the rescue. My husband was laughing really hard. He thought it was hysterical. So did the dog

  • Where Angie went snowmobiling.

  • That snowman has a little heart on.

  • 3 garage doors, opened the middle one, backed out of the 1st on.

  • Here lies poor, scrofulous Tucker Mouse.

    • I managed to lock myself out of my car three times the summer my husband died! AAA sent me a stiff note that I was going to have to start paying for the calls if it went on! That cured me!

  • Oh, no, I left the baby on the bus!

  • Emergency alert! Joanne locked her keys in the car while using the ATM on the way to work.

    • Plaque on home of 25 years: Every Window Tells a Story

  • I think I should carrry a sign which reads, “Want to come home with me to die?” when shopping for plants….Just to give them a warning!

  • The Hidden Key is HERE.

    Locked out of the house shortly before leaving for my own Mother’s Day luncheon with my family. Drug a huge wooden ladder from the barn. Threw it up on the overhanging porch and climbed up in my dress. Unlocked house and came out door to look at rock next door with key underneath it.

  • “The Day Fran’s Common Sense Left Town — and Took Her Brain With It”

  • Mother of the Year Moment: The Day she put her young son on the WRONG school bus…..

  • “The parking space where our car was stolen” – it was in the exact spot in the twin parking garage right next door!

  • Gail doesn’t play racquetball but she slept here

  • This is the place where, unbeknownst to Deb, her precious bag of newly purchased felted tweed with several jars of jelly nestled between the skeins, fell out of the trunk of the car. She promptly backed over it and you know the rest of the story!

  • “That time my elderly aunt tried to climb in the bathroom window and almost got stuck”

  • Here Marks the Spot Where I Fell On my Arse on a First Date, Scooting Out of a Booth (with my soon to be husband laughing his arse off as he helped me up, & kept laughing as we walked down the street: he has a good sense of humor!)

  • Dog spotted running around inside grocery store; she was ours.

  • The plaque will be mounted near the giant indentation in the hydrangeas where I [unintentionally] did a figure skater-style spin off the bottom stair and into the shrub, where I struggled like a bug on its back to extricate myself. I was fine; the hydrangea suffered.

    • The night our cat caught a mouse and brought it to our bed to play with it. It was still very much alive…

  • Tutor spent weekend locked in Catholic school courtyard.

  • Oh – this one was a good one, DG. Loved it!

  • There are so many Nana “stories”….that the grandkids seem to enjoy reminding of. LOL

  • Not an actual historical marker, but on the way to PSU ( where my son is now a senior) we pass the sign for Electric Avenue and have to sing the song EVERY DANG TIME!

  • Gail does not play racquetball but did sleep here

  • I really did turn a closed landfill into a prison look-alike. I was concerned that school children were walking thru the landfill property to school, but is included a burner for methane gas and was not carefully graded. Soooo, I told the City that they should build a gated fence around the landfill area. The next time I visited, I saw that the chainlink fence was topped by rolls of razor wire….. That was the view from each surrounding home’s kitchen sink and kitchen table and patio ! I was horrified.

  • Salad dressing really is good for your hair, even at the dinner table.

  • Where a glass bottle of milk broke in the carpeted way back of Jill’s van on a 97* day.
    Where Jill dropped an open 5gallon bottle of water trying to get it in the water cooler.
    Where Jill locked the keys in a running car on a 15* day.

  • It was like that when I got here.

  • I was volunteering at a kid’s summer camp and lost the key to my parents’ cabin where I was sleeping.
    I drove an hour and a half one way to their house to get a spare key, woke my mom in the middle of the night, and back at camp that morning, I spot the missing key on the back seat of the car.

  • Yesterday’s Undies in Today’s Pants…on the Bus.

  • Locking my carkeys in my car (again) at work. Facilities made a bespoke tool to slide thru my soft sunroof and poke the unlock rocker switch on the passenger side of the car. They knew exactly what tool to bring when I asked for help. Heroes one and all!! Newer cars won’t lock with the key fob inside the car …. obviously I wasn’t the only one with this quirk.

  • Welcome to Arm Sock Island

  • “You’re looking at it!”

  • “Legally Dark Blonde”!

  • Does leaving your keys in the outside of your door count? I’ve done that several times, searching madly to find the keys, only to find them… the outside of the door.

  • You mean, like when the four year old SOMEHOW found the car keys and gave them the ride of their lives to the bottom of the 16 foot iron-grated drain across the driveway, and we could hear the splash from 80 feet away???? Like that?

  • Went into hotel stairwell for ice on the floor below but left key and cell phone in room. Didn’t realize room key was needed to exit stairwell. Two hours later finally caught someone else coming into stairwell who could let me out. Thought I might have to spend the rest of my life in there!

  • I used to work in a pottery studio. We used an electric drill with a paint mixer attached to stir the glazes in big plastic containers. I managed to drop the drill into the glaze, not once, but twice! The first time it happened, I unplugged it, took the whole thing apart, cleaned the innards and put it back together. It worked! No such luck the second time. My plaque would say something about how I’d try glazing power tools

  • The Time Maintenance had to climb the eighth floor balcony to fix the hotel room lock

  • Oh my I laughed so hard. My husband is forever looking for something that is often in his pocket. I tried to read it to him. He was not as amused as I was.

  • This is the loose carpet strip where she took a header… finding out six weeks later it really is a broken hip! (Company owner should have fixed it all the other times people tripped.)

  • My collie saw ghosts in a vineyard.

  • Mom of 2 children opened then pushed lock on the car door after exiting said car, got 4 year old out of the back seat who immediately slammed the back door. Mom and 4 year old stood in horror as the little baby sister started screaming in her car seat. Before cell phones, Mom and 4 year old had to run to the nearest store phone to call for help. Husband arrived to find all 3 of the females in his life crying in/outside of said car!

  • at the back door: “here locked out by cat 6/24/22”
    at second floor window: “here climbed in with ladder 6/25/22”

  • Lost house keys found! … in the lock!

  • My one fear when I would work at school on the weekend is that I would somehow forget to set the alarm correctly when I left. Also feared somehow I would set off the alarm when I put in the code. Being the only one in a big empty building is a bit scary

  • The salmon silk yarn…Let us never speak of this again….

  • This marks the spot where Robin fell backwards over a pile of construction dirt landing with her skirts over her head in front of the entire student body of Keller High School

  • “My giraffe moment”

  • Mine plaque would be something like “The time the dryer and a pair of skinny jeans worked together to bring about the most embarrassing moment of my life” AKA “The time my (clean) underwear ended up on the floor of my workplace and was noticed by by my coworkers…”

    Also October 23 is my birthday so I would be over the moon if I won this amazing giveaway!

  • This is the window CS climbed in because she didn’t want mom to know how late she returned.

  • “OOPs,” says the guest as he carves my very first Thanksgiving turkey and pulls out the giblet package tucked into the neck cavity.

  • Boyfriend visit while babysitting, parents arrive home early…

  • To be placed in the en suite: The rattlesnake reappeared after 3 weeks.

  • Hot summer night and I am sleeping in a T-Shirt. Only a T-Shirt. Big dog needs to go OUT so I stumble out the door with her. Smaller dog is mad about being left behind, jumps on the door which locks. I am banging on windows and doors trying to wake my deep sleeper roommate. Finally give up and decide to climb in a window. At that point cops come by and are treated to the full moon. At least I got in the house and didn’t get arrested.

  • “Here, you hold this rope.” Words of my husband as he was cutting down a tree. The tree fell the wrong way and land on the house. I guess I didn’t hold the rope right! (Not too much damage; just smashed gutters.)

  • Set a menu on fire in a restaurant – large menu (on handmaid marbleized paper), small table, candle. Didn’t notice until people at another table started pointing and yelling at me

  • His wedding ring was inside the turkey all along…

  • where electronet caught boot

  • That time we drove across a 3-mile coastal bridge in a hurricane with a canoe strapped to the top of our truck.

  • Autopilot alert! The garage door opener doesn’t work because you don’t live here anymore.

  • The time I did not take the tray off the bottom of the roast before baking.

  • The time I got my ponytail caught in the volleyball net during gym class.

    • Skinny Jeans, Dressing in a Hurry: You Do the Math

  • I’m sure I’m only allowed one entry – but I also have to share: The time we thought they stole the parmigiano from our suitcase.

  • My plaque would say “The time she wore white somewhere around Labor Day” unfortunately it was my underwear beneath bright red pants and my zipper was down.

  • Oh DG, I know that fence. The Saturday after Shakerag, I had a problem with my flight out and had to spend the day in Nashville. Sounds great, right? I ate some more fried chicken and ubered my way over to what I thought was a gathering at World Headquarters. The gate was closed but my macaroni and cheese addled mind believed that it must be unlocked and I sent the driver on his way.

    Imagine my surprise when the gate was locked.

    So I made a few unsuccessful phone calls. I checked to make sure I was on Nashville time, not Yonkers time. And then I booked another Uber. And I waited. And waited. And paced. And waited. And paced some more. All the while living in abject fear that I was going to have to pee and looking for . I felt like April the Pregnant Giraffe who the whole world watched pace around her enclosure for a few weeks a few years back. And I laughed a lot at my situation. Perhaps somewhat manically, but still laughing.

    I would like my plaque placed at the base of the pole on the left where I finally found a tiny square of shade to sit down and knit while I waited.

  • My memorial plaque would be:

    Cindy Lou
    “Breaking a Car Window is Cheaper than a Locksmith”

    And it is – if you can pick up a new window at the junkyard and install it – or get your husband to do it for you. 😉
    It’s even cheaper to not lock your keys in the car in the first place.

  • No need to push up your glasses. You got Lasik.

  • Locked myself out of the running car with tiny infant inside. House keys attached to car keys. Pre-cell phone days. One of many key incidents that happened while my daughter was an infant and I was severely sleep deprived.

  • Locked in the walk-in…or so I thought

  • I’m old so I really can’t think of what story I might have so I will call mine “Forgetful”

  • Years ago, my parents and I had booked a vacation, in the cold very-early-spring, at a historic inn in England. The drive from the airport was a challenge (in the days before GPS) but we arrived late and were surprised to see lovely snowdrops blooming out front…..only to discover we’d pulled up to a crematorium just down the road from our inn! To this day, snowdrops in bloom always make me smile.

    • I should have added my parents and I laughed and laughed about what the staff would have thought when we told them we were there for our reservations!

  • That would probably be the time I was walking out of a friends house, blithely waving goodbye, and missed the last two steps and crashed into their shrubbery. No broken bones, but a sprained ankle and definitely some bruised ego resulted.

  • Consider buying popcorn before volunteering for the lead role.

  • In this spot our oldest child said her first word: dogwater

  • I think I missed the opportunity for the give-away…. but I don’t mind because I absolutely love this subject! When I am not knitting, I am the state architect for Colorado. I have toured prisons, clean rooms and high security locations and I think you have very clearly captured the image and the issues that many face. My only question is why your IT folks feel your facility is so important that you must change your key fob password so frequently….

    Are you sure your facility doesn’t have some connection with Area 51?

  • Will climb through a culvert to sign a tiny piece of paper.

  • Where the dachshund took on the chicken and the chicken won.

  • Don’t panic. Look in mirror. DPN tucked safely behind ear.

  • We call it the great noodle incident. My husband was out of town, just the two young kids and me at home. Our brand new gas range finally got delivered and I immediately put a big pot of water on to boil for spaghetti. I didn’t realize how much the heat from the burner would wrap around up the sides of the pot even unto the handles! I picked up the pot to empty in the sink, could tell I would badly burn my hands, and I dropped it getting boiling water on me and the floor! The only thing I could think of to get the heat off my skin as quickly as possible was to remove my clothes And that was the moment my 12 year-old son wandered up from the family room to see when dinner would be on the table. I managed to not be seen, I sprinted upstairs and jumped in the shower running cold water. Amazingly I had no blisters!

  • I don’t have any Watergate break-in stories, but I’m glad to read yours.

  • The time I fell from my bike and landed in a mud hole next to a culvert.
    A couple of passing motorists were quite annoyed when they asked if I needed help and realized I was not crying but laughing…hysterically?

  • The place where grandma showed the grandees how to climb the fence at the golf course and go sledding which was NOT ALLOWED!

  • Once in our former apartment in seminary housing I was reaching up putting things high in our closet (maybe 3 feet wide by 2 feet deep with high shelves) when my one year old closed the door on me. There was no lock on the door, but the handle was only on the outside, one of those tiny sliding latches. My husband was in class at the time and my phone was outside. I couldnt sit upright in the closet it was so small, so I knelt face down on the floor. I tried to get our friends on the floor below us by pounding but no luck. Every time I heard my one year old start to crawl away (did I leave the bathroom door open?!) I screamed at the top of my lungs until he would cry and crawl back to the door. I kept breathing through the crack under the door and talking to my son. We passed a whole hour that way before my husband came home and found us.

  • The time I slow rolled the car into the AC unit

  • There was the time in grad school when my car battery dropped dead, I walked all the way home to discover that my keys were in the car, then I walked . . . Well, you get the idea, but this keeps on for at least three more disasters that evening.

  • Hello DG,
    Here my ‘historical plaque title’ Chicken noodle soup between her toes marked the beginning of a new relationship’ it is a long story 🙂

  • Free the yarn, free the yarn!

  • I must say, walking out of The Rhinebeck Sheep and Wool Festival and realizing I never found “The Hill” where MDK and other kniterrati would be meeting!

  • 10K race;10 mile walk: So my husband and I ran a 10K race (he probably placed somewhere, I just finish) We get to the car, and I can’t find the key. (this was the 90s) I checked my running pants pocket, the only place it could be and came up empty. With our wallets safely locked in the car, my husband did find our house key in his pocket, we walked the ~10 mile walk to get the spare keys, and could “metro” back to the car. Later, when we finally got home and I finally got to get out of my running clothes, the car key dropped to the floor. It was in the pocket all along.

  • She was standing right behind me while I called her frantically.

  • Dog hits garage door remote button as we are backing out…

  • If going to get morning newspaper with dog, wear more than a towel…

  • The basement flooded twice the spring after I was widowed.

  • Took nap in backseat of own vehicle (while in hospital pk garage waiting for passenger) forgetting child locks are engaged.

  • How about this – ‘ The day my lost keys fell into my lap’ – while I was driving!

  • Faucet now works, shiva (the Jewish equivalent of a wake after a funeral) can proceed as planned.

  • You did that again?!?

  • The spot where the goose survived!

  • I would have enjoyed seeing that! No need to enter me into contest since I have all of the guides.

  • That time my SIL pounded her fist on a restaurant table for emphasis, launching her used chopsticks onto the next table and into somebody else’s food.

  • Jewel thieves’ impersonators get good dinner recommendations from local law officer.
    LOL DG! Great visual on your adventure.

  • Oh yes, like the time the Stressed out Thanksgiving hostess announced, “the effin turkey is done!!!” Great family memory!

  • The time I never made it to Lansing

  • The time Eileen fixed the TV (by reading the error messages and following the prompts) 10 minutes before a bunch of friends came over to watch the football game.

  • At this site in 1965, Jim peed on his older sister Helen who was wearing her favorite pink sailor dress with no consequences.

  • My dog finally get brave enough to stop losing his treats to my free-ranging chicken

  • On this site, VC was using a credit card to break in to the locked door of her own home as the door was opened by a relative

  • My plaque could read “The Day the Rat War Started”. I have a veggie garden in a suburb of a large city and occasionally run into various wildlife that is attracted to the food I grow. One day, my elderly
    near-sighted neighbor told me that a “squirrel” was fooling around in my patio garden. I went to investigate and when I bent over to take a look into my pot where I had a sweet potato vine growing, a giant Norway rat flew out at me and landed on my bare foot. There was a lot of screaming. My neighbor and I spent the next year trying to rid our yards of these insanely smart rodents. I still feel like they are watching me from the shadows and laughing at me as they steal my tomatoes.

  • The phone bill when I had to keep M company via phone.

  • In my shower: Fateful Encounter with a Giant Roach (There was No Winner)

  • The vase she drank from.

  • Your story reminded me of when my husband and I was moving to our first house. We had stuff in storage so our friends and their 2 teenage sons came with their truck to help us one Sunday afternoon. We loaded up the truck but when we got ready to leave, the security gate had closed (We didn’t know it closed at 4pm on Sundays). There was no code to open it up so I ended up calling 911 to let them know we were trapped inside a storage building compound. The cop came out and said he couldn’t find any emergency number. My friend had his tool box so with the cop’s permission, he dismantled the fence so we could all get out with our belongings. Then he assembled it all back together again once we were out.

  • This is where Monkey Boy lives

  • When Mom, then 89, explained why she needs a driver’s license.

  • We Left Our Dignity on the Yogurt Shop Floor

  • It would have to be Christmas Eve 1992. It was the first Christmas for my twin girls and I was working and parenting full time (ya’ know back in the days when you believed you could do it all). I had squeezed in all the holiday prep, except for the one crucial task of getting a Christmas tree. It was late and dark when I finally left work. I swung by the Christmas tree lot only to find that they had closed up-shop for the season. The last of the trees (think Charlie Brown) were thrown in a dumpster. I was not to be deterred. I climbed in the dumpster and sorted through the remains til I found something presentable. The whole time I rehearsed in my head what I would say to any police officer who might pass by. I am grateful to this day, that none did.

  • Site of the Fateful Trunk Slam. (Cross-country skiing. Rental car. Single key.)

  • Image four friends UTV riding on Hatfield McCoy trails in WV and having your spouse accidentally use a wet wipe to wipe his face with after digging it out of a bag I had thrown my used wipe after needing to “go in the woods” an hour previously. He was grossed out and we laughed our butts off!

  • One cat shut the other cat in the dryer. Turning it on would have required an opposable thumb.

  • Flipping off an annoying driver only to have to wait on them 5 minutes later.

  • Dog locked in running (but parked) car. No spare key within 100 miles. 🙁

  • Site of 1999 Exploding Roasted Chestnuts Fiasco

  • This house protected by guard cat.

  • Me & my mohair sweater stuck on the fire chief.

  • I can’t think of anything near as great as the stories in the comments here, but I have found myself many times looking frantically for keys, glasses, phone, that were already in my hand!

  • Brigham Young stashed a wife here.

  • Daughter went to an awards event and the recipient was given a badge to wear that merely said “Endowed”.

  • “Microwaving boiled eggs not advised!”

    • “Please stand clear of the closing Tube doors, because they can close on your head.”

  • “The day we locked the keys in the car…twice”

  • “She MacGyver-ed it” — plaque installed in the bathroom

  • The time my husband accidentally exploded a tray of waffle cones all over an ice cream parlor counter and my sister and I got the giggles for an hour … and always for the last 39 years any time a waffle cone is mentioned ( he still doesn’t think it’s funny)!

  • This just happened on Wednesday. I was trying to use my food processor to grind some almonds. I plugged it in, put the almonds in, put the lid on, hit the button and…nothing. I tried the lid again since it’s finicky. Nada. My husband said the blade wasn’t seated correctly. So I unplugged the food processor (this is important), dumped all the almonds into a bowl, messed with the blade, put the almonds back in, plugged in what I think is the right cord (can you see where this is going?), put the lid on, hit the button, and…nothing. “That’s not good,” I muttered to myself. My husband said, “You plugged in the toaster.” I didn’t believe him but switched the cords anyway, hit the button, and promptly jumped out of my skin.

    So I guess my plaque would be the immortal words I uttered that night: “That was loud. To be fair, I didn’t expect it to work.”

  • borrowed a stranger’s shoes to retrieve key at the porter’s desk

  • That time Google Maps randomly took me to a dense west side Cleveland neighborhood instead of the actual location of a wedding reception. A better time and likely better food may have been found in that neighborhood

  • The time my toddler got out of his car seat while I was driving. Pull over, get out & go to open the rear door when said toddler then hits the lock all button. So now I’m standing outside the running car reasoning with a 20 month old. He then wakes his 3month old brother who now wants to be fed. Did I mention this is during a snow storm?

  • “Good grief where’s the car” when I walked home from work one day, saw no car in the garage, panic set in until I finally remembered I had driven to work that day and parked the car near my workplace on the street in our small town.

  • Locked in the bathroom in a health food store.

  • Where I thought the airport security person was wanting a hug…. oops.

  • Desperately searching for reading glasses while they sit comfortably on top of my head (as my hairband). Yikes!

  • A yearly tradition, “Thanksgiving in a Can”

  • “Couple locks themselves out of remote Vrbo cabin in northern Minnesota. Phones are inside.”

  • If you knit it, they will come!

  • The missing keys caper….found under a fluffy fanny…….

  • The time Erin got stuck climbing through a window while wearing pajamas.

  • Hey you strangers having sex in the bed, WHAT are you doing in…. er– maybe?– not? my?cabin????

  • “The moment they realize he’s waiting to be picked up, as she circles around and around, at the wrong airport!”

  • If you don’t believe in ghosts, ask about the time a shelf of glass bowls decided to jump out of their cabinet.

  • The spot where our American family’s car broke down in rural France and, after hanging out with some nearby cows and then attempting to explain what happened to the car using high school-level French, seven people squeezed into a tow truck cab meant for maybe four.

  • That time I woke in the morning to find what looked like a Spirograph in yarn across the dining room floor (using dining table and chair legs as pin points)… Moral of the story: always securely stash yarn balls away before going to bed with a cat in the house!

  • Next to the office coffee pot was a PLASTIC water pitcher that was melted down pretty good; because, in the past, it had been placed on an empty hot burner. The pitcher had a the following written on it in BLACK marker: “THEY WALK AMONG US.”

  • Oh, gosh. Great story. Nothing comes to mind but I’m right here cheering you on.

  • Some great stories in this comments thread! If I could think of one to add, it would certainly involve my husband, the world’s biggest goofball.

  • Sigh. My awkward moment is a knitting one, of course. I did what most heavy duty sock knitters on auto pilot eventually do. I looked down to realize I had turned the heel twice. As I was travelling and in no position for a complete tink and rewind, and because I had spare needles, I carefully bound up the disadvantaged sock and started on its mate. As I approached my destination I realized in horror that I had done exactly the same thing to the sock number two. Now to find someone with four heels…I spent the evening undoing.

  • Don’t put the dog (who was deaf) in the backyard when the gate is open.

  • A decal on a rental car reading “The costly mistake” or “Remember to park into the wind.”

  • It is here; somewhere…

  • “Curious Girl Gets Pussy Willow Bud Stuck In Her Nose.” During lunch, on the school auditorium, with half the school watching. I tried to be discrete as panick mounted and my covert attempts to dislodge it only drove it further up my nose. I steer clear of pussy willows since.

  • Serving chocolate ice cream in Yellowstone National Park!

  • “Never open the curtains while buck naked and about to hit the shower while the dog is barking and trying to alert you to something and your husband forgot to tell you that he scheduled lawn guys to come to the house.” Enough said, I’m sure you get the idea!

  • “Willfully unreliable gate at my house with or without a fob…

  • Silently correcting your grammar.

  • That time my husband broke into our own house to get baby formula

  • The first time I went to my boyfriend’s (now husband) house I walked right up to the house next door, knocked and started to go in. The neighbor was right there and I immediately said, “Oh… this isn’t Jim’s house.” He said, “nope — next door.” I was SO embarrassed!

  • My dear husband was staffing a business meeting out of town, and late one night at the hotel (with glass walled elevators) he earned a trophy, engraved simply ‘Room Key’. The event was documented in the staff newsletter as the time the elusive Bigfoot was discovered trying to get hotel staff to let the poor beast back into his locked room. Fortunately, Bigfoot found a house phone in the hallway before he had to go downstairs to the front desk!

  • We forgot to put the lid on the vita mixer before turning it on.

  • Muffin our (first) dog climbed out the upstairs window during our son’s 3 year birthday party, perched in the gutter and entertained the 50 (or so) guests in attendance.

  • Instead of historical plaques installed, commemorating things like “The Time DG Climbed the Gate” and “Ann’s Parking Space,” we would need one attached to my husband’s back pocket saying “location of your missing wallet”!

  • Trying again and again to open my office door at a new job with the key from my previous work.

  • The day the oven door broke in half with a sheet of chocolate chip cookies stuck inside

  • Years before cellphones, I ate a large piece of watermelon for lunch and then went upstairs to clean the guest room. I closed the door to dust mop behind it…when I tried to open it…’twas LOCKED! Hours later my husband came home from work and had to remove the door. Made it to the bathroom just in time! Sign: CHECK DOORKNOB FUNCTION BEFORE CLOSING DOOR!!!

  • In remembrance of the keys left inside while babysitting.

  • Here lies my job – maybe the best one I’ve ever had – this past week, because some dill weeds decided to consolidate and lay off all the people who have stood by through the bad times and also have all the talent, in favor of hiring new, cheaper people with no knowledge or experience at all.

  • That time I spent ten minutes explaining to a stranger why my brother in law was not attending his mother’s funeral, only to discover that the mourner had actually inquired about my niece (who was ten feet away, speaking to another mourner).

  • Site of the Great Split-Pea Soup Explosion of 1977

  • Second story window abandoned field tripper climbed through to get out of the building

  • Syrup on the ceiling, c. 1994

  • Got down…but can’t get up.

  • Stuck under the PT table in an earthquake drill

  • When Garlic Caught on Fire in the Microwave

  • Exploded pressure cooker of pierogis!

  • “the dent in the back of the garage from when Tracy forgot to put the car in park to just run in quick and grab the boy’s lunch”

  • The mechanic said, “Lady, just take your car out of drive and you will be able to start it.”

  • “The Night Raccoons Discovered The Cat Door”

  • Inspired by another post…the time the Thanksgiving turkey was still raw

  • The time all three sets of my house and car keys went on strike and locked themselves up in the car

  • The day the coffeemaker died.

  • Most of my silly adventures have taken place on travels like the time I went to London for 5 hours or the time I halfway hitched a ride to a beach in the South Pacific.

  • The time where teenager me, after a full day of travel, sat down on the hotel bed while holding all the bags and promptly fell on my back on the floor – feet up due to the weight of the luggage.
    I had misjudged where the bed was in relation to me and the luggage. Fortunately was unharmed and provided hilarity for my travel mates.

  • Commemorating the incident after which I answered the Urgent Care question “What brings you here today?”, with “Stupidity.”

  • Kids! Open the windows! The raccoon is pulling out the duck’s feathers, and I can’t see coming through the Holland tunnel!

  • Too da**ed lazy to be anything but efficient.

  • The time I took my grandmother’s underwear to school!

  • No, you’re right, I didn’t need pearls for Christmas 2019.

  • Very large guard climbing the Security Fence

  • “At this site she gave up on Entrelac for the Remainder of Her Life”

  • Death of the chocolate sauce ( attached to the ceiling)

  • Not my historical plaque, but my cousin’s: “On this spot, J was run over by his own car.”

    Don’t worry – he’s fine, although the incident did cost him a lung.

  • Awkward is my middle name! I once had to get into my car through the trunk. It looked weird in a university parking lot to say the least. :0

  • Singing an Unintentional high G# Solo Waiting Forever for the rest of the Choir to Enter.

  • the time the top 1/3 of the xmas tree broke off xmas morning…because the cat, spent the night in the tree, eating all the marshmallows straight-pinned to a Styrofoam ball ornaments the kids made at pre-school, cat drooling, not responsive, kids crying, on the phone with emergency vet… pls let the rest of the day get better

  • Where J locked her car with the keys in the ignition and the motor running.

  • Making a new car entrance, then ripping off bumper.

  • “Happy People Leave Here”

  • Pocket knife packed into wrong suitcase detains wife. SECURITY!

  • The Time DG Climbed the Gate

  • I could do “that time we underestimated the concrete required… twice.” Or “the 6-month and counting yard reno”

  • The time Amy stood outside the house waiting for the neighbor to return home and bring her a house key, so she could go in since she was only wearing a t-shirt and underwear.

  • Wow, what happened next?

  • The drugstore parking lot where the tow truck had to pull the car off a parking block with a tween providing color commentary, circa 2021….our cat’s name is Opal!

  • This is where Stefan complained that his new belt was left-handed! (Think about that…)

  • I met a Bull, patted him on the nose and lived to tell about it.

  • The time I noticed the trainer of the Oakland A’s baseball team and he asked me who their firstbaseman was (who was sitting directly across from him.. I found out later). I told him it was Will Clark (who played for the Giants) and the whole table burst out laughing!!

  • Throw up camping in one tent with four kids. Need I say more…….

  • That time you’re in your hotel rooms jacuzzi with the jets full on and the tiny bottle of shampoo tips over … bubbles everywhere!

  • Oh no! Car keys locked in trunk! Never mind, the door’s unlocked.

  • Someone else’s silver CRV. (This plaque should appear on all silver CRV’s that are not mine in the parking lot.)

  • Spilling the Tea, Literally

  • How wonderful! I have followed reading for years and now I have entered twice. Fields guides look so exciting and invigorating, Would love to win. Though I am not sure what a url is, so enclosing my hot mail

  • That time I tripped on the top step leading into the kitchen, landing flat on my face o the tile floor, bouncing off my nose…. Yield: right arm in immobilizer sling x 12 wks!

  • I was outside the back door, within a high-fenced enclosure, in the hot tub. The door had locked behind me. I had on my bathing suit & had a ratty old robe with me. The door in the fence didn’t open—there was a snowdrift in the way. I took out the screen panel & got out (I am not a small woman). Walked out to the street, to the neighbor’s house two doors down. In about 12” of snow, barefoot, with below freezing temp in MN in Jan. I used her phone to call my husband to see if he could come home from work with a house key. The sweet neighbor gave me hot tea & fuzzy slippers & wrapped me in blankets. Even with a new lock on that door, I never trusted it again!

  • “Whoa, that’s a “boat”load of yarn!!!”, exclaimed our heroine, as her psyche gradually took in the the enormity of her stash.
    She was packing up for her first move in 30 years…

  • This tear stained plaque commemorates the very coffee maker Alyssa tried to use by taping the coffee filter (due to the missing filter basket) instead of waiting for said part to be mailed to her. That digital clock will never display time again. So long brew time being pre-set. Impatience kills.

  • In an eight month long poetry workshop to the teacher in front of the whole class: “um, no, that’s not Times New Roman, it’s Garamond.” My workshop name will now forever be Garamond.

  • Decades ago my mother-in law walks quietly into our kitchen, where
    I’m licking the last of cookie dough from a large wooden spoon.
    Not a good look, dough on my chin, nose, etc.

  • “Watch out for flying chestnuts and exploding grape juice!”

    • When you jump in the shower and everything gets blurry and you can’t see….went to rub my eyes and found my glasses…felt so dumb… but I’m not going blind now.

  • Locked in on BARC property for my 50th birthday and had to explain to an unbelieving security guard to get set free. Maybe lesson learned – trespassing is a bad idea

  • Toddlers know more than you think they do.

  • Car stolen at Billy Graham film festival and hitched a ride home in the back of a police car.

  • If you see this hole under the fence on your walk, don’t assume it’s fun to crawl under. Maybe the rock is in the way for a reason.

  • “Where Gram’s Chihuahuas interfered with the beer-can chicken and got drunk.”

  • “This marks the Spot where Husband entered the Water
    at the Most Remote Beach in Hawaii,
    with the Electronic Rental Car Key
    in the Pocket of his Swimming Trunks.”

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